HOW YOUR POET SCOOPED THE 99 cts AMAZON INDIE AUTHOR'S' CAGE FIGHT

More to the point, are there any here (kindle) readers for One's stuff (metaphysical zonnets in, mostly, tetrametre)?

 

It ain't exactly easy on the eye. Maybe you cld just use this place as a shed in which to actually nail it together and then travel back to the 14th century and get some monks to do up a nice illuminated manuscript.

 

A limited edition might sell. 14 copies at a million quid each. The trick wld be the time travel. The monks cld be squared away with a few carp suppers. And I cld beguile them with 21st century magic, maybe even show them a kindle and an iPhone, make a skype call from the 14th century to report back on progress. Get them to say, 'Hi guys!' Do a piece-to-camera on their life in an abbey.

 

Getting back to the 21st century with my 14 copies might be tricky, but if I cld get to the 14th in the first place it shouldn't be too bad. I mean I am an experience London commuter with experience of the Jubilee line and Thameslink. So noooo problermo.

And when I got back with my 14 illuminated MSS of my work I wld get them carbon dated to prove that they were a kosher amalgam of 21st verb and 14th century work.

Hell, I live in St.Albans, this should be a doddle as I believe there was a scriptorium in the Abbey here which is just a few hundred yards away.

 

Yeah, that's the way to scoop the 99cts indie author cage fightistas. Not that I am your rabit competitive manned-up berserker who will do anything to shin up the No.666 devilishly guuud selling amazon lap-dance pole.

 

I wonder how long it will take the monks to complete the brief? They might need some close editorial management as they will not recongise 21st century English. But then that should be nooooo problermo.

 

Once I hit them with a few carp suppers and a case or two of Chateau Neuf Du Pape I'm sure they will crank the stuff out like crusaders. Hmmm, I'd better go easy on the CNDP thought, won't get their best work out of them if they have steaming hangovers n shaking hands.

 

Squaring the Abbot away might be tricky. I guess doing my 14 books will cost him a year's bible supplies. So WTF do I do for the Abbot? The St.Albans abbots were serious players. It might take more than a carp supper or two. Maybe a Beamer wld to the trick. I imagine a Beamer in 14th century England wld prompt a few gasps, even if they are as common as muck middle ego cars in our shiny times.

 

Yep, that will work.

 

As to marketing, I wonder if the monks will dig the finer points of branding? Duhhhh, they don't need to! The odd variance in spelling, layout and design will keep legions of over-qualified academics locked in decades of meaningless debaate on marginallia and other brain-numbingly innane minutia for centuries. AND! drive the price up of the individual copies. The absence of fungibility will be a massive USB. Or is it USP? UPS? OFIWFCs!?!

 

Actually, now that I think about it. A million quid a shot is an absurd price, the total undersell of the millenium. We have to be in the realm of the first BZILLION dollar (or should that be yuan?) piece of art. We are talking prices that even the Scratchi Bros cld not consider in their wildest image action analysis. And -- a stroke of brilliance this! -- let there be an accidental fire in a bar which destroys say 5-6 of the 14 MSS. This wld, of course, squeeze the market for the remainding stock, thus driving the beta-fibbonaci-pricing-coefficient into stochastical paradise i.e. they'd be throwing diamonds THIS BIG! my way.

 

Yep, I think we are talking about 100 bzillion for the remaining copies. Not that one is money driven, mind. One is a quiet, sensitive, poetic type. *bows*

That said, it wld be worth insuring the 14 and claiming for the fire-loss. The money cld be used to square away the various faces who will doubtless need a bung or two. You know how it is these days.

 

Item: as to finance this deal, I will have to knock on a few doors amid the faux marble halls of Cannary Wart and get a few IBs to do a little financial engineering and roadshow some tricksy now-y'see-it-now-y'dont derivatives to raise the seed capital needed to tornado the caper into the super mozone. I mean getting back to the 14th century even for a metaphysician of my kidney is not exactly a saunter to the sushi bar. There will be risks.

 

Actually, it is possible that a better market might be in, say, the 23rd century. Yep, has to be.

 

So, your 21st century Ver Sir arabesques to the 14th, gets the production work nailed, segues to the 23rd sells the product. Returns to the hear and know. Smirks. Retires to Dorset. Buys a labradoodle. Rents a flat in Covent Garden for weekend use only. And.. And..
 
Ach, missed her again! NURSE! NURSE GREEN! Oh please don't leave me here like this .. I needs my late night noir (110 percent capitalist cocoa) ..

Things are not all that Rosy or Alice in these cut price Latvian coastal sanatoria for bewildered preening paragons of penurious positivism. PTTTH!

Reviews

[Tai Chi Italy Take Two]

Or you could write a little erotica, Ron! lol I hear they did it with gusto in the 16th and whats 200 years here or there? Nice little saunter through the wild mind of the not so contented writer....smiling at you x

[Mark]

Well, as one not wholly unacquainted with sanitoria of one stripe or another, may I attest that you've captured the grandiosity and impracticability of the self-confessed loon quite convincingly. I will be looking for my personally illuminated copy either 100 years ago, or 100 years from now; I occasionally find myself century-slipping, don't you see. Say, as long as you're in the 14th C., why'n'cha look up Mr. Gutenburg, and see if you can get more than 21 copies made, bring your cost per unit down, don't cha know?

[EMF]

OK. I'm in. Here we go. I am working on developing a directional time vortex with specific spatial placement, in relation to the time, rotational process of the earth in the 14th century, and relevant to geographical considerations.

All I need is a biro.

I had one. I did. I put it down there a minute ago. It had a lid and everything. Maybe the puppy has it. Nope. Pencil it is then. And a bit of paper. It will work.


Superb work my friend. And if you ever lose heart, hold onto this fact. Amazon is an anagram of EVIL. Well, nearly.... it's got the same number of straight lines in it. Count them. You'll see I'm right and sane, no matter what the doctors say.

Maybe Nurse Rosetta hid my pen.

[Sheila Kline]

I love it, I love it, I love it...............and only from you, Mr. Furioso!!!.....the poet with PTTTH!!!!!!
Oh yes, count me in on a huge order from my FL, USA, 21st. century's wing of SMSOF's boudoir, where Monks are banished!
Clever, absolutely brilliant my friend!!!