Strength.

I wrote this from my own Journey, and to express my feelings and to be able to share with other people so I hope you like it.

life has become one big 

"i don't know"

i wake up every morning and feel nothing

i don't feel happiness

i don't feel loved

all i feel is emptiness

guilt

shame

we try to cover up the unknown 

with illusions of 

fantasy

hope

love

but at the end of the day we are

alone

hopeless

and insecure

we are sitting in our shells

shells of the people that we used to once be

the people that we have destroyed with hatred 

we dread the next day

we dread the glance in the mirror 

to witness our grotesque human flaws

dreading human interaction; that may cause us to second guess whether 

or not we are like

you become scared

scared that you will reveal how much you're hurting

so you push people away

we pity ourselves

the belief that we are not strong enough for life goes round and round

within your thoughts. your head. 

it is constantly on repeat

because we tell ourselves this over and over

and in the end we actually believe it

we end up believing our own lies because

we have nothing else to believe in 

this is us

this is how we are

it's not how we have to be

you don't have to be like this

i don't have to be like this

strength is not measured on how many good days you have

because sometimes it's none. 

strength is sitting on your bed with a razor blade in your hand

ready to end it all

ready to end the thoughts

ready to end the voices

ready to end the misery and pain

strength is putting that blade to your skin

strength is thinking of him or her 

and how much it would kill them to see you hurt like this. 

how much it would break their hearts to see you slip away 

and to know that they didn't get to say that final goodbye

strength is the hot, salty tears that stream from your eyes 

like a waterfall 

whilst you debate right from wrong

strength is telling yourself over and over 

"i don't need it"

"stay strong"

strength is remembering how your loved ones would feel if they knew 

that you could of been saved and how much they would miss you

strength is realising that even though you're suffering right now; your family will suffer far worse if you end it

they wll have to live with the sadness

it will become a huge part of them, just like it has with you

strength is putting that blade down - not just for him or her 

but for you. 

do it for you.

strength is believing that you are more than the cuts you make into your skin

strength isn't all about numbers or the reason behind as to why you want to recover

strength is knowing that you can recover and that it is possible

strength is believing that you have it in you to recover

strength is noticing that you can be happy. that there is more to life than depression, sadness and darkness.

strength is setting goals and achieving them

strength is digging deep down and learning as to why you are 5 months clean of self harm or even a year maybe - 

it is believing that you have it in you because you do. you are a survivor. 

you may not know it yet but you will.

strength is the reason as to why you are still alive today

and if you don't believe in yourself then believe in strength because it is the reason as to why you still wake up in the morning

it is the reason as to why you put the blade down

it is the reason as to why you managed to eat a full meal and you don't need to be ashamed of it

it is the reason as to why you put the pen down and stopped writing your final goodbye 

it is the reason as to why you CAN make a full recovery 

strength is finally figuring out that you are worth life 

-p.s

Author's Note

So, what do you think? Please tell me your thoughts.

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

What I have just read is a pure piece of inspiration.... Your poem starts with a description of how a person feels when he/she faces depression and anxiety... And as the poem moves on it reveals that it may be hard to deal with or get away from depressive self-harming thoughts but it is not impossible to come out of it if the person believes in it... I really like the friendly assurance you have given here to the reader, there is so much more to life and your poem says so much about it...

I have went through a phase of depression and I can promise you if I had read your poem that time it would have much more easier for me to come out of it... A wonderful very touching write... And I believe this kind of writing effect the reader's mind in a positive way... Brilliantly done...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[W. R. Croatt]

I agree with Inject Positivity. He captured the heart of your poem very well. But I wouldn't let go of the unconventional, prose-like style you have in your poetry. With experience, that style can become extremely powerful. It's different, too. It's not John Keats, and it's not Conrad Aiken. It's not conventional in any way. Its Paige. From your first poem, you have an identity. That's a feat. Congrats on that.

Now I'm not saying don't take influence from other poets. By all means, this is one of the key ways to improve. But the thing is, you have something that people don't see very often. It's a poem, but barely. You have something that's universal too. You can create a meaningful poem such as this one that's meant to impact someone personally, or you can with the exact same Paige style create something specifically for the image, or just to sound pleasing, or to be artful. You can do anything with this Paige style that you have so quickly developed. I disagree with Lydia J. The lack of punctuation and capitalization created an honesty to the poem that wouldn't have been there otherwise. It almost made it more personal. The cummings-like attitude toward punctuation and capitalization made it more intimate. That is part of the Paige style. Don't let go of that style, and Well Done.

[Lydia J]

I really enjoyed this. It was very inspirational. I do have a couple of things that you might want to fix though. This one is just a pet peeve of mine so feel free to ignore it, but people not capitalizing things gets to me. There other one is just a suggestion but here goes.

"ready to end it all
ready to end the thoughts
ready to end the voices
ready to end the misery and pain"

For this part of your poem it would be more dramatic if you worded the last three lines first and finished with the first line. To clarify...

"Ready to end the thoughts
Ready to end the voices
Ready to end the misery and pain
Ready to end it all"

Well, those are my suggestions. Besides that I really enjoyed your poem and I hope you continue to write them. :)