Why lust but not recive

When the pleasure of a man emits fear deep within your heart there’s something terribly wrong.

How can thought of a grown mans touch make you quake but the beauty of his words make you melt.

Why must you fear a sexual encounter but speak of making love being devoured until you can take no more.

When the time is yet to come you tremble in fear. 

Moisten at the words of a lustful encounter but scream at the touch.

Why is it so hard to make these thoughts a reality make theses feelings physical. 

Why desire the image of a male but run from his invasion. 

Why beg to be made a woman but the dread the process you wish and long for these elements haunt your body stops it from what it craves but fears.

Why?