I've Never Been a Morning Person

from "Conversations with Carlo (unpublished)

 

The high-pitched whine under the AM radio station encourages me

To go and kill people. Luckily I have learned,

Through patience and experience,

To ignore these necessary urges—

Especially before morning coffee.

 

The nasal voices of the AM radio talkers confirm

My reasons for primordial rage.  But

By the end of the cup

I am more concerned about whether my socks match

And reminding myself to greet the Mexican women who empty the trash cans

And remembering to stop for another cup of coffee

Before I teach.

 

No one here really knows how to make coffee, though.

Even the espresso is smooth, unbitter, unsatisfying

And when the cutsie blonde barista gives me change

She speaks,

And her voice eeks out

A high-pitched whine

 

Taunting me—

 

But I figure prison coffee is worse

(And, probably, decaffeinated)

So I smile

Leave a tip

And wander back into my day

Dreaming about homicide

And the scent of spring flowers.

 

Author's Note

Any comments welcome.

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

Ah, this is so perfect and so true! How anyone is capable of functioning in a happy, perky manner in the morning is beyond me, and your sentiment is carried across quite well. The mention of homicide over coffee and high-pitched noises is jarring, but then becomes ironic and funny - I know I've felt that way in the morning when I haven't had enough caffeine! I assume, however, that your homicidal urges disappear after the coffee finally kicks in, yes?

I really like the way this skips around, just as someone's thought process would: first the radio, then the socks, then the coffee... the mundane objects and experiences are well chosen and suit your subject matter perfectly.

I'm wondering, though, is the AM radio in a car or is it part of an alarm clock? Originally I thought it must be in a car on the way to get coffee (generally one does not have a Starbucks in one's home), but then why would someone intentionally leave on whiny, staticy AM radio without switching the station? So my next thought was that the AM radio must be part of an alarm clock, which would make sense, but then it begs to question how the narrator got up so quickly and was automatically at the coffee shop without so much as a stanza break. ...Obviously I'm overthinking this too much. Sorry about that.

Anyway, fantastic job. This is wonderful and amusing.

[Fran Marie]

I can relate! Not a morning person at all!

Coffee coffee and more coffee That's my motto~ gotta have my java-jolt^^

or I am a real grouch!

Great write and enjoyable read!~Fran Marie