I Need Stitches

So, I don't know what's wrong with me lately.
I've just been feeling like an empty shell.
I want to hurt myself to take the ache away from my heart.
Why must I have feelings for someone who would never have feelings towards me?
Life is all so confusing...
I feel like such a failure.
I want this mass to disappear!
Why am I cursed with such a disgusting image?
God, why couldn't you have made me like the other girls...
Then maybe I would never have thought of mutilating my already disfigured body.
I feel so helpless...
...so alone...
I know you're there whenever I need you, but why can't I feel you there.
Why do I keep pushing my friends away?
Why am I so scared of crowds?
I'm afraid they will find out who I really am...
They would never accept me now...
This rotten person...
My mutilated arms exposed hoping to find someone who knows how it feels.
The sting of the razor...the flowing blood...
My arms, legs, wrists gashed open.
My insides shown for all to see...
Gaping wide...most people would shrink in revulsion...
I stand in interest...dissecting myself...discovering what it looks like under my skin...
It's crawling with tingles...beggin me to knife it open...
My body needs it, my mind as well...calm this nervous anxiety...
Give me exhileration...give me comfort even for only a few seconds...
I long for that releasing pain that drowns the noise in my brain...it's so loud now...
Too loud to hear Him calling...I need relief...I need to come back to reality...
My mind is distancing...will I ever find my way out?
You don't want to be my friends...my only worths is to God...you must not come next to me...I won't bite, but I might crouch in fear...don't come too close...you might feel my raised scars...or your hand might tough a fresh gaping wound...

I need stitches...not only for my wounds, but for my bleeding heart....

Reviews

[Gabrielle Travis]

I wonder if this a personal entry (from say a diary) or if you're in character? But either way it was potent, tragic, and compelling. I would make a small suggestion to eliminate some of the "..." in the piece. I know it's more than likely for dramatic effect and pause, but over much can be detrimental and perform the opposite. Your use of details were thorough and it was easy to piece images with the emotional quality. Also in addition to the cutting/mutilation, I would have loved more detail about where this compulsion derived-- a memory or situation. Being in the first person and centering soley on the internal aspect, left out scenery or situation. This may have been on purpose but the labeling is "story", so maybe you might want to change that. I definitely was moved. This made me stop the internal chattering in mind; concentrating only on what I was experiencing through your prose. Sadness, pain, anxiety, complex inferiority, hopelessness, isolation,fear, ect...
No small feat for any writer. So well done.