Heaven

Somebody asked me what my idea of Heaven was… a curious question for sure considering I’m not a believer in Heaven.

 

Not a believer in religion - things holy.

 

Still, I can appreciate the thought - the sentiment behind such wonderings.

 

So I said - well, I guess it would begin with great sex - fabulous sex - the sort of sex where you’re spent and left wondering… wow, could I feel any better.

 

And while you’re thinking this - mid thought as it were - your partner leans over and says YOU are great in bed - I’ll be right back… I’m going to make you breakfast.

 

But then - I don’t know - is that really Heaven?

 

Probably not…. probably closer to Disneyland.

 

And while Disneyland can be a pretty special place - let’s be honest - its not Heaven.

 

Kinda like the Pharaoh's servant who turns to leave the tomb and is stopped by the guard who says we’re staying - we’re all going to starve to death then meet up with the big guy on the other side.

 

To which point the servant says… whose idea was that - nobody told me.

 

Then continues - look, I’m here for you and the big guy - I’m ready to scrounge for sand mites and drink urine before intimately and finally starving to death… however I left the oven on at home.

 

And while if it were my house I wouldn’t care as I’d be on my to Heaven and all it’s just it’s not my house - it’s my cousins house.

 

He knew I had this buried gig today and said I could crash there last night so I just don’t think it would be right if I trashed his house.

 

I mean, I’m the one going to Heaven - not him.

 

So look, hold my spot - put me right in the front row because I’m ready to die screaming in the dark with you and the rest of the Heaven bound followers… it’s just I need to jet to my cousins house for a minute first and turn off the oven.

 

Of course as he rides off - his camel doing double time - it does strike the guard as somewhat odd the servant - this long rider - appears to be heading in the wrong direction - opposite from established civilization.

 

Anyway, Heaven - the definition thereof… great sex.

 

Great sex - nothing left in the bank that is your body - your savings run dry - a smile and a whisper in your ear…

 

You are the best ever - I’ll be right back…I’m going to buy you a new car.

 

The key being buying YOU vs. US as after all - it’s your Heaven not us Heaven.

 

Just like if instead it was I’m taking us to Madrid or Paris - it would be nice - but would it be heaven with them coming along?

 

So you smile - roll to your side and say… just make sure it only has two seats, goes 185mph - and is blue.

 

Now that - is Heaven.

 

pdc

Reviews

[Sasha]

This is just so random. I don't know where to begin.
You introduced the idea of heaven being great sex which I'm prepared to stand by. But then you started talking about Disneyland (which should never be associated with sex in any way - JoBros be damned) and jumped into this whole bit about a pharaoh / servant fleeing from battle in the name of turning off a stove that doesn't exist in his time period. Fair enough. Then you get back to the sex and wrap it up in a cute little bow.

What I'm trying to say is, I loved this. It's weird, but clever and genuinely amusing. I freakin' WISH I bumped into the guy that loved giving me the business so much that he's says, "Lol, brb buying you a car." He wouldn't even have to do it. The sentiment alone is nice enough.