man in the rain

idk ?

the windmill spins as if it was in a monotonic dance ,

he lay's on the grass as the heavens pours down upon his under pants .

he wishes it was the holy piss of god purging his depraved soul

"no!!" , he says, "this must be the holy s**t of god reconfirming i'm worthless".

he thinks it quite ironic for a storm of s**t to fall on s**t .

the sky is  covered in gray.

its seems almost like his "ditto" today.

such an endless gray ,its  carries  the  stark reminder of his mundane  .

he has an epiphany, why did all the sound stop ?

he can't hear the frogs ,the birds , or even drum of his heart!

he only feels the endless drops of s**t upon his grotesque body parts.

Author's Note

be kind i guess , nvm just eat me apart lol

Reviews

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Quite a thought-senses provoker and this one made me smile even, you have quite a broad imagination and vocabulary, even though the subject matter is lavatorious, to say the very least! An intellectual, lavatory cleaner reveals all, in a random observation of a client, in a rural setting perhaps? Regardless, very well done, I shall drop by another time soon

[Peter H]

you seem to be the only that kinda get's it , everyone else seems more worried about the language and profound words i should have labelled explicit on it but i never thought explicit would be catogorized as the word "s**t" lol i was trying to convey coherently what he felt like without the use of a fancy word lol

[unsavable_soul]

idk either,
Not really sure what to say, not that it's bad and also not that it's good. I am just confused. Just being honest. Somethings I like such as the ideas that might be behind the beginning portion, but the whole of this one eludes my grasp. Sorry.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I agree with Mr. Jacob the first part is stunning the rest is good but if you maintain the elegant progression of the first line it will create a very beautiful write, but still it is good and I enjoy reading this piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like the beginning of this...but then the language tends to detract from a pretty good idea, which might be approached from a slightly different angle, language-wise..

just thoughts

[Peter H]

you're kinda right :) i should have put less crude language in it