What they want / The world

What things want, and what the world is like...

A lonely ant,

wandering around,

lost.

Looking for its

family.

A tree,

with braches,

just reaching to be free.

A child seeking

shade and a hot

summer day.

The wind

wildly blowing

to gain attention

and let out stress.

Tears,

building and

falling,

from climax to climax,

like fore governments.

A thought,

or something to imagine,

that wants to be a dream.

A leaf,

falling and giving up

and surrendering to gravity.

A worked and tired man,

lying down gently,

hoping to rest.

An orphan,

needing an umbrella

to protect them from

the pain of life.

A world,

seeking peace,

and tranquility.

 

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems and typoes and spelling. Other than that, tell me what you think about it overall(flow, title, ...) Please and thank you.

Reviews

[Ari]

I really can't ignore spelling problems. If you know that they are there, then FIX THEM.

However, you've got some spectacular imagery. I think you need to do a little something more with it, as you're presenting these images throughout the poem, but only the last three lines SAY something about it, and it's a weak ending. This could be great.

[Anarda Nashai]

Your imagery is PHENOMENAL!!!! My favorite lines being:

"A leaf,

falling and giving up

and surrendering to gravity."

I think this describes everyone...at some point in their lives. Great Write!!!!

-Anarda Nashai
author of Despondent
Check out my website at:
www.anardanashai.webs.com!

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Good images!

Sal

[Nova]

This was kind of emotional for me...it made me sad. Other than that it was pretty good.

[Sarah]

I love how you talk about different people and things in the world - and bind their situations together. Very creative. (: However, there are quite a few typos (I know, I know, I'm not supposed to mention them.... XD) that are really distracting. Otherwise, it's a fine poem. =)

[Lexy]

You talked about the ant I think more than anything. You should try to keep everything the same, but whatever.
I don't like spelling errors. I was going to start my review correcting them. but since you said not to, I won't

[Staci Brown]

i must agree with Ari... you have a great start here, just clean it up quick.

you have talent for imagery hon!

Faerie Blessings!

--faerie whisper (breaking the silence...)

[WordMaster]

What a wonderfully creative and masterfully written poem

The images created are just splendid

The pace and tone of the poem adds to the impact of the emotion behind the words

Magnificent work!