Senile

Barely able to breathe.

Grinding my teeth.

I light one more cigarette.

To plain talk to people, I don't have the intellect.

I keep running, sunrise, sunset.

Keeping my brain blank so I don't get upset.

When they ask me how my day's been, I just stare at them.

Searching for words.

"Great!" I say.

Eyes full of tears, they plain plaster on a grin.

They tell me there's nothing wrong with me.

That I need to quit the meds.

They tell me to live my life happily.

I nod my head absently.

Not in my control, incurable, is my damn malady.

If I had my way, I'd never get out of bed.

I'm scared  of my silhouette.

Wish some heroin I could inject.

I wish they expressed how ill I am.

Everybody laughs, or tries to help. That says a lot.

People; they remind me of my illness.

I hear voices in the stillness.

I can't function without my pills.

Gone are the days of me looking for thrills.

I am nothing more than a damn burden.

And I would like nothing more than to unburden those that care for me.

Doing me no good are all these sermons.

I am just a vermin.

It's all a joke, my existence.

I am always in need of assistance.

Happiness, perhaps, would bring my non-existence.

People're always out to do me harm.

Always, I'm alarmed.

 

It has twisted my damn head, this sickness.

Life in a room can get repetitious.

I am crazy, I  affirm.

People just think I'll transform into someone better.

Wish I could inform them that I won't.

Reviews

[Intothemilkyway]

Other people's opinion doesn't matter. Only yours does. You should believe in yourself cause we are all alone somehow but also in all this together. There isn't a single human who hasn't suffered or isn't.
It's a continuing cycle.

Your life is over the moment you choose to give up.
If you have something to fight for go and get it. Nothing is impossible.

[pinhead07]

Thank you for the advice and the review! I appreciate it! :))) You are right. We're all in this together. Nobody's free of suffering. Indeed, life ends when one gives up. :)

[Chris Shaw]

I am reminded of that expression, no pain no gain. To get out of this cycle is going to take a huge amount of effort. It is going to be hell, but it can be done. Only you will know if you think you've got what it takes. Those that succeed certainly deserve some admiration. Well conveyed lines here.

Chris

[pinhead07]

Indeed. No pain, no gain! :))
Thanks for the review! I really appreciate it! :)))

[Franky]

I am sorry if this is a true situation for you. But I have learned to pay little attention to what others think of me, as long as I can be content with how I want to live my life . I have hurt and disappointed many, but I who I am.

I m glad you can express yourself so we'll. I like your word choices

[pinhead07]

Thank you so much for the advice and the kind review! :)) I appreciate it. :)

[Franky]

You are welcome. But I thank you for your honest, brave write. It says a whole lot