Girl of the moon

A poem about a mentally ill girl the lived on the moon in her mind...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I once knew a girl pretty and young

 

She could not, she would not speak

No language, not even tongues

 

 

 

Her over all out look was very bleak

Abused, seduced, used, beaten down

Humiliated and weak

 

 

 

An unstained princess became a clown

Defiled and soiled by mankind

Never smiled only frowned

 

 

 

Had to convince her out of her mind

Brought her back to the earths decay

No matter how she declined

 

 

 

Reluctant to speak, she came to say

This world is fucked and filled with gloom

She took a trip far away

 

 

 

To dwell with the people on the moon

to save them from the vampire

To protect them from they’re doom

 

 

 

So she could be loved and admired

So she plotted and she planned

she had purpose and desire

 

 

 

With the sacred knife in her small hand

On the sacrificial stone

Watching the sky and the land

 

 

 

Waiting for the bizarre and unknown

From the corner of her eye

A great black bird in had flown

 

 

 

Suddenly appeared out of the sky

There stood the grand vampire king

Intrigue filled her heart inside

 

 

 

Covered entirely in bat wings

Beauty had her fixated

Unlike any earthly thing

 

 

 

In awe wonder struck and sedated

There was nothing she could do

He had her captivated

 

 

 

Opened his wings grabbed her, up they flew

After this revolution

Back on earths realistic view

 

 

 

Stuck on this terrible dimension

Locked out of the moons domain

Outside of her delusion

 

 

 

Trapped she became violently insane

In this vile place that’s she hates

No escape from the earths pain

 

 

 

Bound, tied, resigned herself to her fate

The physical plain her jail

Cured psychological state

 

 

 

Rebuilt herself and she had prevailed

She said me would of shot me

If things went sour, would I have failed

 

Author's Note

It was inspired by reading Memories, Dreams ,and Reflections by Carl Jung. I have read the book about 5 times and everytime i do this story catches me... About an 18 yr old girl that was rapped by her brother and his friends and because of which drove her into a psychotic state. I find the story interesting so i wrote about it... idk let me know what u think... up on top is the story. Its supposed to be vauge i think its supposed to make u want to read the story to get a better understanding of the piece...

Reviews

[Flow]

Your pen told a sad story of a hero of sorts, our protector who never had one for herself, a shame indeed. However i like the risk you take with your work. You are edgy and you bite your tongue for no one. we need more people like you who aren't afraid to push the envelope or just be happy following the crowd writting the same story over and over. Original your work is as it comes from your soul. That is why your a good writer. No matter what your format is your writting has a message for people one we rather not look at, but keep that pen writing for some of us will look and learn not always agree but at least you have a voice and you use it! ok i liked the poem i like the message in it for me :)

[Kiya]

The world of the psychotic is not to be messed with... Very good write, and enjoyed the input on top. Thanx! :)

[Shadows of Sight]

Interesting topic. Here's what i noticed on the practical level.

"Her over all out look was very bleak" "overall outlook' no spaces needed

"Had to convince her out of her mind
Brought her back to the earths decay
No matter how she declined" This stanza confused me, not sure what it was you were trying to bring across.

"A great black bird in had flown" This line is weird. The "in" part breaks up the flow of the line.

"In awe wonder struck and sedated" put a comma after "awe" reads better.

The last stanza is confusing.

I like the overall image of what you are bringing across. I think with some minor tweeks it will be a really good poem.

I really liked the forth stanza, it gave me an image that made my soul shiver a little.

keep up the good work! :)

[larryb]

Kudos to you Miss Pinky i enjoyed this :)

[Enigma]

Honestly, a great write.I too, read the story first and I'm so interested that I'm going to buy this book(if I can find it).
About the poem, or rather th 'ODE', it's great.The rhyme scheme (which is typical like that of ode) is very impressive.It creates a flow which transfixes the reader and mesmerizes her/him with the beautiful imagery.I really had the movie going on in my mind while I was reading the poem.
TERRIFIC WRITE!!! You're one talented girl...^_^

[~*666 Draven Von Tepes ..]

touching to this old dead heart

[jen -- JG]

I read the story first, then your poem about it. Your poem re-told the story quite well and did not hold punches back.

Then I read your poem alone, with no reference to the story and found it told its own story as well. Either way I found this a pretty good write. Well done.

You do need to watch your spelling a little more and get the meaning of words right. (To protect them from they're doom should be - their doom... they're = they are )

Just little things I know, but they are important to get right. I cannot live without my spell checker and I still do make mistakes, it does happen, and is something to be aware of for the future.

I can relate to both the poem and the story so thank you.

jen-JG

[[untitled]]

That would be heaven. To live on the moon in your mind. Mental illness sucks but sometimes an escape like that would just be awesome. Good piece

[chris' girlfriend]

such a magical poem

[thecoolone52]

i dont like giving negative feed back..... the second line of the last stanza conffffussssssssed me a bit but other then that it was a very poetic story..... i thoguht the last stanaza was gona b a heart dropper but it kinda like went off in the horizion for me.......... not sure about the 3 line stanzas........ thats just my take but its your poem so you can decide what you want to do with it... you c what im saying?? Overall i enjoyed it.... i liked the vampire king and the bats cause i can picture em flying around and stuff....... nice work