Clouds in the night

The moon luminates

Stars shine in the sky

Silently sedate

As the clouds roll by

 

The dark blackish blue

The peace of the night

The clouds frolic through

By the moon lit white

 

A touch of silver

Infused with gray

Wind blows a shiver

As clouds dance and play

 

Together they crash

Cosmicly collide

A treasure that lasts

That calms the inside

 

Reviews

[Michael X]

Wow, Allison, this is lovely in imagery and meaning, as well as the colorful,
sparkling detail that brings the vision into light, and that being talent,
your talent for wording, the rhymes and formula set the depth into sequence
and creates an excellent flow in form and feature. its beautifully written!

[[untitled]]

nicely done. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. THis is really beautiful though. This could calm a panic attack on an agorophobic. absolutely wonderful

[Mr Whiskers]

God, reading that poem was like rubbing velvet against my mind, I love that! It is very much exactly the way I feel looking up at a cloudy night sky, you definitely captured each bit of it and smoothed it out into this rhythmic piece of *deep breath* feelings...in short, +favs!!!

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Nicely written poem. Relaxing to read. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Pakino]

Awesome. Poetry of nature is one of the best poetry. You did a good job in your piece in explaining the night time skies and the clouds that frolic around lol. Nicely done.

[D. Nelson]

this is a beautiful piece that is deeply soothing to read. i really enjoyed it, the poem has a sort of silky texture to the words. great write

[Pinky]

Yes Rick luminates is a word... my mom used to be a high school english teacher... and it just so happens that i am lving with her so i asked her and she brought out her huge dictionary(ha try living with tht growing up)... And i do agree about the second, the third line of the thirds stanza... i think i will fix tht right now... but i think i will leave the end the way it is. do to the fact tht my life is kinda crazy right now and i just made a big change in my life and i was staring at the clouds at night and it calmed me... thts why tht part is in there. But thank you for the review!!! it means alot to me!

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Allison,

This is a very fine piece. It quiets the soul. It is tight and I love its unusual 5-5-5-5 meter. I thoroughly enjoyed this and immediately read it half a dozen times just breathing it in and making a big sighing exhale each time I ended the piece. Thanks for that experience!

But for a review you need to look a bit deeper too. And if you're like me, that's what you'd want, i.e., a good careful review. So here are some comments.

First, perhaps you are taking poetic license, but in the first line "luminates" is not a word, at least not in any of the dictionaries I use. I think I know what you are trying to say, and frankly, this didn't bother me at all in the reading of the poem. But poetry is all about the English, you know, so here is this comment. Fortunately this doesn't occur on one of the ryhming lines. So the fix should be easy even while maintaining your 5-5-5-5 meter--which I REALLY like!

Second, the third line of the thirds stanza: "The wind blows a shiver", is the only line that I detect that breaks the 5-5-5-5 meter. Easy fix. How about "Wind blows a shiver"?

Finally, while highly descriptive of what the poem does, the last line "That calms the inside" seems a bit weak to me. It is language that is not up to the grander style of the rest of the piece. Since this is a rhyming line and needs to ryhme with "collide", unless you change that too, all of my suggested fixes might close the line with the word "subside", such as "And worries (cares, sorrows,...) subside".

A tremendous poem. Highest marks!

Best regards,

Rick

[Natalie C]

That calms inside indeed, omg what a wonderful piece of "eye candy"
Your imagery simply a pleasure to all whom reads it...

Great work my friend, I loved it!

[lots fo love ♥]

that was very...very...very, it was to good to put into words. i loved it