Learning to Shave

a new piece I just wrote

When I was a kid

I wanted to shave

because shaving meant that you were an adult

I can remember watching my dad shave

and imitating what he was doing

but never fully understanding the concept of the blade

 

As I got older

and entering my teens

I had friends that were shaving already

some were getting a five o’clock shadow

others had full beards

I didn’t even have a whisker

I had my mom buy me some razors

regardless of the fact

that I not only

didn’t have any facial hair

but I didn’t know how to shave

 

My father couldn’t teach me

my parents were long since divorced

and being a child and not understanding the situation

I blamed the whole thing on him

so my mom tried to teach me

but I really had to teach myself

 

I pulled the stopped on the sink to fill it up with hot water

and took the shaving cream can

filling my hand with too much cream

I smeared it all over my face

then stuck my hands in the sink to wash them off

I picked up the thin bic razor

removed the orange piece that covered the blade

I looked at the razor and how the blade gleamed in the light

for some stupid reason I ran my thumb along the blade

to see how sharp it was

it was sharp as hell and I cut my finger open

blood dripping into the sudsy water

I cursed myself for being so stupid

 

I took the razor and brought it to my cheek

and carefully started shaving

Things were going pretty well

until I started shaving my chin

I nicked myself

the shaving cream turning red

I took my time

and finished without anymore nicks

I hated shaving

It was terrifying

I didn’t want to cut myself anymore

but I wanted to look more manly

so I knew I was stuck having to shave

 

My mom bought me a styptic pencil

for my future nicks

that hurt worse than the actual cut

but the cuts stopped bleeding

 

As years went on

I got less nicks

now I don’t get them at all

I wonder if it’s some sort of new technology

but it seems the manufactures keep adding blades

and you’d think you’d get more nicks

but I can’t even remember the last time I nicked myself

 

My facial hair came in slow

these days I can grow a halfway decent moustache

and a pretty good goatee

my 5 o’clock shadow

sometimes comes at 3 or 4

now I hate shaving for a different reason

cause it’s a hassle

it seems like sometimes

no matter what I do

I can’t get rid of all the hair

maybe it’s cause I use cheap blades

 

I will say that if I knew

that the more you shave

the more the hair grows in and the thicker it is

back when I first wanted to shave

I probably wouldn’t have done it

cause shaving every day

is a giant pain in the a*s