First Kiss

This story started out as 150 words or less. I now have rewrote it and it is much longer than that. I wanted it to become a full story.

Life had become focused on my son.  It had been two years since I had dated anyone, and to be quite honest that was fine with me.  I had my family, and my friends.  Really in my mind that was all I needed. 

Occasionally when I had a babysitter, my friends and I would head out to catch the local bands play.  I had friends that belonged to one of these bands, and enjoyed a night out once in awhile to unwind from the day to day activities of life, but I was not looking for love or a man to be with.

Then it happened.  My mom asked if I would be interested in calling this guy she worked with.  He had seen my picture and asked my mom about me.  My mom had informed him that I wasn't looking to date, but that I might call as a friend.  I after two weeks of thinking decided it would be ok if it was friends.  Friends were wonderful to have, and I got his phone number from my mom.

Due to my work schedule clashing with his I waited till the following weekend to call.  He kept asking my mom if I was going to call him and I finally did.

The conversation lasted for hours.  We talked about music we were interested in, what video games we like and everything in-between.  We had enough in common that it make things easy but enough differences to make it interesting.  Finally a little after midnight I ended our phone call.

The next day I did the normal every day stuff, and then headed two houses down to visit with a friend that I have known for ages.  We had a couple of drinks, and played bags outside in the bright sunshine. 

After about an hour I decided I would call Jesse on the phone and invite him over.  I didn't really think he would come over with me calling at last minute but I got a big shock when he said he would be over within an hour.

I thought I should at least be a little presentable so I ran home changed shirts and took my hair down.  The rest I didn't worry about for I wasn't looking for a relationship.

I had no idea what he looked like.  Really in my mind it didn't matter.  I was use to being by myself and focusing on my son.  I had headed back down to my friends to wait for his arrival.  The time seemed to pass by quickly for we were all laughing, joking and having a good time out in the summer sun.

Then the unfamiliar truck pulled up in the drive.  I figured it had to be him so I slowly walked back down to the house.  When he stepped out of the truck I was completely shocked.  I don't know what I had imagined he would look like but he was drop dead sexy in my mind.  He was  tall, with short dark almost black spiked hair and facial hair.  All the physical qualities that attract me to a man.

I couldn't stop staring at him.  I finally found the words to tell him who I was and asked him if he wanted to go join us in playing bags.  I remember he agreed.  We had tons of fun and as the day gave way to a beautiful setting sun of hues in reds and yellows my mom agreed to watch my son so we could go for a walk.  We walked slowly talking the whole time.  I can still remember vivid details of the conversations we had that night. 

I remember telling him what I liked in a man and about a past relationship.  I told him that was that last person I dated and it had been two years since then.  We talked about many topics.  I listened to every word he had to say paying close attention.  I tried to drop him hints that I was liking him but he didn't seem to get my subtlety, so I grabbed his hand to hold while we were walking. 

"I was wondering how you felt about me.  I guess now I know."  he replied with a smile.

When we got back to the house I tucked my son in bed for the night and Jesse and I sat outside on the porch swing.  I placed my feet in his lap and we sat quietly for a short time until my noisy family was staring out the window at us.  Jesse laughed thinking it was funny.  I was embarrassed about my family spying after all I was twenty-eight.

I could feel this magnetic pull becoming stronger and stronger as the night went on.   I was being drawn to him, but it wasn't the looks solely, but the personality as well. 

After  awhile we went and sat in the cool night grass enjoying a warm summer night with the star shining bright.  I will never look at the stars again without thinking of him and that night.  I don't even remember doing it but I sat in his lap and he put his arms around me and we cuddle for what seemed like forever.  I could feel the body heat radiating off of him warming my cool skin for I was still in my shorts and tank top.

I looked back at him and our lips met.  It was like electric sparks flowed through my whole body that moment our lips met.  The kiss soon became passionate and hungry.  We both were completely captivated by each other making the world around us melt away.  I can still remember this night so vividly in my mind and at times wish for one more night with him like this.  

Author's Note

This story has been completely rewritten for it is my story so I thought it fitting to use the real names and write it in first person.

Reviews

[Xardalas]

I liked this alot. I found myself saddened when she broke up with Jayden, and I was torn between agreeing with her reasons and hating them. I hope you are writing a sequel or another part because I am curious to see if they would get back together or if she would find another person to be her spark.

[Subjective Sanity]

wow. I felt that. I don't know what I can say...

[untoldtruth]

oh my gosh, this just makes me want to cry :'(
It is wonderful with the emotions clearly shown
I love how there is hope, and determination in the two lines "but now distance and the passing of time are the problems that have to be conquered"

[ICE]

I thought that this was great. I like how they don't have names. Sometimes names just get in the way of the depths of a person or a story. You did a great job having to write this with a limited amount of words.

[Lost, n'MT]

First of all before I even begin to share my opinion regarding this piece, I absolutely agree with you said about how it isn't easy when you have a limited amount of words. Perhaps that is why I have never fit in well with writing classes as I prefer my writing to have no restrictions, censorship, or any word limit. As for "First Kiss", will be commenting along as I read. First paragraph ended with a bit of a twist which I like. Leaves me thinking why she would be leaving him after having these feelings, then I continue on to learn he is walking out on her. (Note: Grammatical corrections to make would be changing "loosing" to "losing", also typo with "Sshe" instead of she, also I believe you meant to say "a few short weeks later instead of later", and also "pathetic reasons" instead of reason, also the biggest problem they faced was was (typo).). So far this seems like a very realistic story that keeping me drawn in. I am not sure if you wanted grammatical corrections but I figured it would be helpful before sharing with others. As for the story, it is a very painful and sad one that so many of us (both male and female) can relate to. I think it wonderfully written and the only thing I wish you could change is continue it despite having to stop at 150 words. The ending is an unfinished one but understandable so with the restrictions. Whether this is based on a true story or is fantasy, it a great read nonetheless. It is a bittersweet ending as they were able to regain a friendship and while it was nothing less, it could be nothing more. This was definitely a delight to read and I thank you for sharing. I hope you were able to find my review helpful, this is the first short story I have ever reviewed but I enjoy all writing, including this I wish you the best of luck in your writing group and thank you so much sharing. Best wishes, --Broken Soul

[Millionth Muse]

Much more detail this time, which I think is a great improvement. I can feel more completely the pain now that I know what is happening between the two characters. This is a better draft, I think that now all you need to do is let it sit for a day or two and then go through and do a good edit, as it seems as though it was written with some haste. A few typos here and there, but I think that you've gotten to the heart of this one.

[Bette]

this is better but it was wonderful before

[The Analog Kid]

I agree on needing a hint of "why" she couldn't do this now. Just a hint. I think, even if "he" doesn't have a name, "she" does need one to make the story more personal and avoid some of the pronouns. I think at the end, if she is talking to him again, then don't end it on a question in sentence form, but make her actions "speak." Like is the problem/question/hesitance of rekindling her issue or his problem/circumstances. It cannot only be distance, something else was in the way before...is it resolved now? Just some ideas. Very passionate and heartfelt as far as the girl's feelings and descriptions of her heartbreak and longings.

[Millionth Muse]

I think this has potential...I felt the emotion and the electricity in the first portion, but then things fell a little flat for me. It's hard to accept that someone loves someone so soulfully and deeply but is still letting them go unless we know the "why". I think that if you used just one line to explain why they were parting things would be a little neater. Also, in the first paragraph you said she was standing in the rain telling her lover that she was letting him go, but then you said handing up the phone, so I'm not sure if they were talking in person or on the phone. Overall...great potential on this one!