THE ASTROMATES... Chapter 6...Part 1.

A continuation of my book.

CHAPTER SIX.

THE LEO EXPERIENCE.

One thing I will say about myself, it doesn’t take long to get over things. (I’m not going on about my leg, that’s the only thing I can’t seem to get over!) I guess I was sorry I didn’t get the chance to make Mandy randy but that’s life as they say. Anyway, I was over her by the time I faced Alexo.
"Now this lady." said Alexo, prodding at the folder on his desk. "Is really state-of-the-art."
"And what state might that be?" I said, not unkindly. "A state of Picasso-like abstraction, one eye in the middle of her forehead and a small grasping hand growing out from her arse? Or is she just a plain state, like the ones you’ve dished me up so far?"
Alexo took all forms of cajolery as criticism and responded with sharp rebuke.
"Look, old chap, I can’t be behind you all of the time. Your mess-ups are of your own making, so it’s no good grumbling to me."
"Right." I said. "I’ve had my little scolding. Let’s just get on with this state-of-the-art lady."
Alexo got into gear.
"What we have here is the highly creative Leo female and, I might add, the ideal woman for someone like you."
Someone like me? He had my interest!
"It’s an interesting fact, the Leo female prefers a lazy sod for a mate, a mate who will lie back and let her do all the work."
I was even more interested now. Not that I considered myself a lazy sod, you understand. My hands have toiled the soil, my back has carried its load in the past but the thought of a personal slave, a woman who would carry out a mans’ bidding at the snap of the fingers was every red-blooded males’ dream.
"Continue, my learned friend." I coaxed, wetting my lips.
"To get a good idea of the Leo female, one only has to study the animal of the species. Have you ever watched any nature films, about lions living in the wild?" asked Alexo.
"Well I did see the film ‘Born Free’ some years back." I answered.
"No, not the film. I mean real lions in their natural habitat, prides of lions roaming free in the Serengeti, stuff like that?"
I admitted I had not.
"Let me tell you a bit about these animals and their habits, old chum. You know we call the lion the ‘King’ of the jungle? Well it’s the lioness who’s the real leader of the pride. She’s the real star of the show, the ‘Queen’ of the jungle."
"So what does the male lion do if he’s only supposed to be the queens’ consort?" I said.
All I knew about cats was seeing the old tomcats in the backyards and they seemed to rule the roost as far as I could see.
"The male lion lies on his back most of the time, soaking up the sun. Male Leos can be like that, lauding it over others, if they can get away with it. But here, we’re talking about the lioness so stop interrupting!"
I bit my tongue and let the master get on with his lecture.
"In the wild, it’s the female who does all the work. She looks after the cubs and she’s the one who goes out to make the kill which feeds the family."
"Let me get this right." I said, overriding Alexos’ disapproving glare. "The male lies about in the sun while the female provides food and labour?"
"I’ve just said so, haven’t I? Now stop making a bloody fool of yourself and listen for once, without interruptions!"
"I was only saying… "
"Well don’t!" snapped Alex, before carrying on. "After she has made her kill, she and the cubs have to wait while the lazy lion gets up off his backside, ambles over and eats his fill. He claims the ‘Lions Share’, you see? Only after that is the lioness and her cubs allowed to sit down to dinner. It’s a strange fact, the Leo female will always feed her mate first, then the kids, before having her fill."
As I listened, I couldn’t help thinking this was my kind of country, lounging around, waiting to be fed and watered.
"What about ‘Bonking’?" I asked.
"Bonking?… Oh, I see. Well, normally, in the wild, a lion would have maybe two or three lionesses in his pride."
"Two or three!" I broke in. "Blimey! So a Leo female wouldn’t mind the old chap putting it about a bit, eh?"
"Is there something wrong with your brain? There are times when I would rather give up before I throw up!" barked Alexo.
I sat back in my chair, my best boys’ face on, hands up. Somewhat mollified at my submissive gesture, Alexo carried on…
"The lady Leo is all heart, the one with the real heart of the lion. She’s the one who will fight to the death for her kids. She’s loyal and honest and that’s what she expects from a mate in return. She asks for nothing more than loyalty and honesty."
Sounds very much a saint, this lady Leo, I thought.
"She’s a worker." continued Alexo, warming to the subject. "One who will slog her guts out and takes a lot of pride in what she produces. She’s highly creative, certainly when it comes to providing a meal for her brood. Give her a crust of bread and a glass of water and she will provide a banquet fit for a king!"
"All this sounds too good to be true." I said. "What about her downsides? I mean, she has to have a downside."
"True." admitted Alexo. "The lady Leo is not a saint. If you do upset her, she’ll certainly get her claws into you and rip off a few chunks of your hide. She can be extremely stubborn and can be fond of creating a scene now and again. Yes, she can be the drama-queen and take centre-stage but she’s also very warm and not adverse to romance, marvellous when it comes to dramatic interpretation. Many fine actresses are Leo-born. When it comes to love (Here, my ears pricked up!), she does love a bit of romantic drama, often choosing a scallywag for a mate. She prefers one who can spice up her life, maybe dreams of being carried off by an Arab Sheikh, astride a white horse, who takes her across wild deserts to his tent where they make mad passionate love."
I closed my eyes. It was me! I was the Sheikh who held the captive maiden to me as I sung ‘The Desert Song’!
"Are we awake?"
It was Alexos’ voice, bringing me to my senses.
"So what’s wrong with romantic dreams?" I asked. (I was all for the romantically wet ones!)
Alexo wasted no time in answering, he continued… "Your Leo female has passion, alright, but once the cubs come along, then passion, love and romance are put on the back burner. All her energy and time will be taken up with her pride and joy, her babies."
As far as I could see, there was nothing wrong with this cat. So what, if she was fixed and stubborn by nature. Surely it was not a bad thing, a bit of determination to finish something? After all, if you sent your wife for a loaf of bread, you’d expect her to get it, wouldn’t you? And if the shop was closed, you’d expect her to go further on till she found a bakers’ shop which was open.
"It all sound perfectly fair to me." I said, hungry to get to work.
"There are certain signs to watch out for when dealing with the Leo female."
Alexo sounded ominous.
"Firstly, you would have to be wary of any Leo female who continually messes with her hair, the female who starts chopping and changing."
"What are you telling me, Alex?"
"Many Leo ladies make excellent hairdressers, very stylish and creative in that sense. Most of them are proud of their locks, their mane. But those with any kind of hang-up are prone to start tearing their hair out, cutting it, a natural way of showing discontent."
"I’ll keep my eyes open for any ‘Tress-Stress’." I assured him.
"And one more thing." said Alexo. "Before you enter the domain of the lioness, the concrete jungle."
Not another warning! Alexo knew of my unease when he used dark words, the voice of omen.
"I’ll tell you about the animal first, just so you get an idea of the females’ defensive nature."
Get on with it, my mind begged.
"In the wild." Alexo went on. "When a male reaches maturity he is cast out of the group and lives within a group of other outcast males. Now, the Alpha male, the one who dominates the pride, is the only one who can mate with any of the females when they come into season. As time goes by and the young outcast males grow in strength, they will test the Alpha male in combat… Are you with me so far?"
"Yes." I lied.
"Good. Well, keep up. Obviously, as the Alpha male gets older, he weakens and it’s only a matter of time before he is beaten by one of the young males, who then drives off the old male and takes over as the new Alpha male. Now, (Here Alex wagged his finger for attention.) when a new male takes over the pride, it becomes a dangerous time for the cubs left behind because the new Alpha will want to start his own pride. He will kill off any cub not of his making, get me?"
"That’s totally savage!" I exploded.
Alexo shrugged. "C’est la vie." he said. "It’s the law of the jungle. The new Alpha wants his own bloodline to restock the pride, all the new-born cubs will carry his genetic mark."
"Well, if that’s the way it has to be, then it has to be." I admitted. "But how does this story relate to the Leo male and female? We’re talking about civilised human beings here, not bleeding animals!"
"Yes, we are but the beast in us all is just below the surface, old boy. The similarities here are that the Leo female has very strong protective instincts when it comes to her children, her pride and joy. Let’s not forget, she created them."
"With the help of the old Alpha." I reminded him
"That’s true but he’s only there for the seasons’ interest. Once the breeding season is over and the cubs are born, the old chap just becomes a cardie and slipper job, only to be brought out of redundancy when a new season starts."
"Seems fair to me." I commented.
"It has to be understood." went on Alexo. "A Leo lady puts her kids before anything and anyone. She’ll starve rather than let her kids go hungry and, I’ll tell you what, you ask any man who’s married to a Leo lady where he stands in the family line-up and he’ll tell you. He comes last! But if a Leo woman ever loses her mate, for whatever reason, any man who steps in to fill the breach, to replace the missing Alpha, will have to know just where he stands. Either he understands the children's’ safety comes first or he gets out!"
"So the moral of the story is… Don’t get involved with a Leo Mum and her pride." I finalised.
"No, you’re wrong." said Alexo, stretching out his legs and fixing me with a watery stare.
"The moral is, old chum… Don’t get involved with a Leo Mum and her brood unless you know where you stand."
"Yea." I said. "Right at the back!"
Alexo gestured agreement.