THE ASTROMATES... Chapter 8...Part 2.

A continuation of my book.

Alex suddenly clapped his hands, making me jump. Because my eyes were closed did not mean I was asleep!
He carried on… "You see, because of her indecisiveness, the Libran lady needs another sole who can relate to her problems, a confidante who can help her make decisions about relationships."
Impressive, I thought. And it’s obvious; the confidante she uses would be a man. A man, no doubt, who is madly in love with her. (The romantic in me was working overtime.)
"Quite complicated, having a relationship like that, isn’t it?" I said.
"Complicated is only the half of it, old boy. Libra is counterbalanced. She spends most of her time trying to keep her equilibrium, trying to live a balanced life, trying to keep everyone happy by presenting an ever-smiling face. It’s no wonder she tires easily. There are times when she just wants some peace and quiet, solitude, find a quiet corner where she can rest and recharge her batteries before returning to the party-scene."
"Anything else I should know about? Any snippet you’ve kept silent about?" I enquired.
"Only one little thing and this doesn’t apply to all Libran females."
Ah, here it comes!
"There are some who are rather prone to the excitement of having men fight over them, some who have a touch of the Ancient Rome in them, getting a thrill from gladiatorial combat, the winner getting the thumbs up."
Yep. I was right all along. This girl was complicated all right. I just hoped my date was not one who had this strange predilection for men with a combative nature. If you remember from earlier reading, I was Edam in colour, red on the outside but yellow to the core! To me, the only thing the Libran lady and I had in common was the Star-Sign.
"What’s her name?" I asked.
Alex had the folder out and read… "Jane Tomkins. She’s thirty-one and divorced."
"It’s not Calamity Jane is it?"
"Not a bit of it, old chap." answered Alex. "She’s rather a nice girl, quite bright. Works in a solicitors’ office. You’ll get along just fine."
Now where had I heard that one before? I didn’t want someone who would just get along with me. I wanted someone who would sleep with me!
"I’ve arranged for you to meet her outside the Tate Gallery on Thursday at one o’clock. She’ll be wearing a pink dress and carrying a newspaper."
I might as well try out Alex’s patience.
"Well let’s hope she doesn’t change her mind and turn up in a green dress, carrying a portable typewriter." I said.
Whenever I come out with stupidity, Alex doesn’t bother to answer. He sat in silence. Perhaps I’d get an answer if I pushed just a little bit more.
"Suppose she turns up wearing a red hat. Red hat and no drawers, as my old Ma used to say."
Alex sat, impassive, silent. I took my leave from Alex, collecting the paper with the information, my payment and my hopes the date was not with some ‘Plain Jane’!
Now, I’m not into art, certainly not the abstract works of those who think, by throwing a dollop of different colours of paint onto a canvas, they had created some kind of magnificence. If I had to look at a painting, I like the traditional kind, one with a house and trees and birds and a blue sky, not something which looked the same no matter what way you hung it!

Jane seemed to like the art-works, so for the sake of Libran peace, I kept my mouth shut. I had arrived at the gallery at the given time and was kept waiting for some time before Jane appeared. I suppose it was the ladies’ prerogative to keep a man waiting, or, maybe, she just couldn’t decide which bus to get. I will say she was well worth the wait, small, neat, exquisitely dressed, with a smile to die for. Having introduced ourselves, she clung to my hand and began talking. Jane had this penchant for speech, it was incessant. No sooner had one sentence ended, another would begin. In other words, this girl could talk the bleeding hind leg off a donkey! It was well past three o’clock by the time we had viewed every offering. Every unintelligible picture made sense to Jane, which, in turn, she translated to me. She even commented on the velvet drapes which covered a window at one end. I listened, wondering if she kept up this flow of conversation in bed. Can you imagine the scene of sexual exploration, about to dip the old wick, when she decides to tell you about the virtues of shopping or about her last boyfriend? She carried on talking, about her divorce, (Quite amicable, apparently.) and about her parents who, it seemed, were unpaid nannies to her daughter and about life in general, which consisted of talking to anyone who cared to listen to her. I must say, we got on famously. She talked, I listened. I talked, she talked over me. It was while we were having tea in a small café that she began telling me about Nathan. It seemed dear old Nathan was attracted to her but, she had said with a shake of blonde curls, he was not really her type.
"He’s quiet and shy, in a puppy-dog sort of way and he always seems to be everywhere I go. Take last week, for instance. I was at a party. Do you go to a lot of parties?     No? I do. As I was saying… "
Now, I don’t want to put a damper on things, I mean, I’m only here to tie up with a soul-mate and get a shag if I’m lucky. But I didn’t want to be here, a cup of tea in one hand, little pinkie sticking out, listening to Jane rattle on about past and present relationships. I realise Libra is all about relationships but I just wanted to be in one, preferably a sexual relationship!
"Now, you take Colin." she said, sipping her tea in quick gulps in case I got a word in… "You take him," she started again. (I knew exactly where I’d like to take him!) "Now, he’s more my cup of tea."
She giggled hysterically, pointing to her cup to accentuate the joke, then… "He’s not as thoughtful as Nathan, not as caring or as sympathetic. He’s a bit of a rogue, really, but he’s exciting and he does unexpected, mad, things. Do you know,” … she leaned over the table, conspiring. "He once got tickets for a week-end in Paris. Just the two of us. Imagine, the food, the sights as we took a romantic boat-ride down the Seine in the moonlight. It was fabulous."
Jane came down from her high, stirring moodily at the tea with a spoon.
"The trouble with Colin is, he only likes a good time."
She stopped stirring and talking, staring pensively down at the cup, just long enough for me to get a word in.
"But Colin doesn’t really talk to you, while Nathan does." I managed.
Jane looked up.
"That’s right!" she exclaimed. "You’re very understanding, Richard. Now Nathan, he can sit and talk for hours. He listens, really listens to my problems. The only problem is, I like Colin. I can relate to Nathan as a friend but he doesn’t excite me like Colin. What do you think, Richard?"
I was beginning to get the picture now. I was fast becoming the third person in her little group, the confidante, the one who would sit at the top of the scales, the one whose advice would tip the scales in favour of either suitor, the one who would help make her mind up for her. I opened my mouth to speak. Too late, I had dithered too long and she beat me to it.
"Do you think I’m being cruel to Nathan, keeping him hanging on? I know Colin is a rascal but he does give me what I want, excitement and laughs."
"Well." I said, surprised she had given me long enough to get a word in. "I can’t really say because I don’t know either of them. If you like Colin that much, why not tell Nathan to find someone else?"
"Oh, I couldn’t do that!" exclaimed Jane, quickly. "I can’t hurt his feelings and, anyway, he is good to talk to." She smiled darkly. "You should see them when they meet, really jealous of each other. I thought they were going to have a fight over me but Nathan walked away."
The disappointment in her voice was evident. Ah ha, the gladiatorial bit, the scent of combative spirit!
"I’d fight for you, Jane." I got in.
"Would you? Would you really, Richard?"
Jane’s eyes were alive. I would be her champion, riding up on my white charger, to dip my lance for her to put her cap on. She would be my trophy, my lady.
"No, not really, Jane. I’m not what you might call a fighting man."
The radiance in her eyes dimmed, then suddenly she said… "Look, Richard, Nathan is holding a party at his house on Saturday night. Why don’t you come as a friend? I know Colin will be there because I told my friend Sandra to tell him where I’d be. This way you can meet both of them and tell me what you think. Am I wasting my time with Colin? Waiting for him to settle down? Or do I have Nathan as my steady, because he has time for me?"
She waited for my answer. The good side of my brain said… ‘Run; run like hell, run while her mouth is shut!’ The bad side of my brain, which always aligns itself to my sexual appetite, began to rule… ‘Fool’ it said, ‘Go to the party. Get Nathan and Colin to fight over her, (To the death, preferably!) and while Jane is overcome with grief, you will be the consoling shoulder, the one who leads her away from the scene of battle, up to the bedroom and take fair advantage of her vulnerability. Remember, even if that doesn’t work, there’s bound to be one ugly bird on the last branch of the tree, who would do anything to catch a bloke. I could always turn the lights out! As such thoughts stumbled through my brain, I kept nodding.
"Yes, I’d love to go to the party with you, that’s if you’re sure Nathan wont mind."
"Of course he won’t mind. I told you, he’s very good at accepting my friends, except Colin, of course." She laughed, a light tinkle, before saying… "He has to accept Colin. He’s frightened he’ll lose me if he doesn’t let Colin into the party."

Jane lived with her parents and that’s where I escorted her, promising to pick her up promptly at eight o’clock on the Saturday evening. Kissing me lightly on the cheek and thanking me for being a friend, the front door closed and I returned home, condoms unused; her voice still ringing in my ears as if she were still there beside me.

"She’s a talking nightmare." I told Alex the next day. "She doesn’t stop to give time to breathe."
"What did I tell you about Air-Signs, dear boy? Did I not say they need to communicate? It’s just that you have a young lady who, (He looked at Jane’s chart), has Mercury conjunct Mars in the Third House, communicative energy, old chap!"
"You could have explained some of this before I went out on the date." I said, sulkily.
"What, and spoil your fun? Not a bit of it. She’s like a breath of fresh air. You’ll just have to learn to ride her like the wind." smoothed Alex.
"More like a bleeding verbal tornado!" I exclaimed.
Alex showed no pity, wishing me luck as I took my leave, knowing it wasn’t luck I needed but a pair of earplugs!

"You’re early!" shrieked Jane, still in dressing gown, pushing golden curls under a shower-cap. Actually I was five minutes past the appointed time and showed her my watch.
"I have a taxi waiting." I said, proving the point by thumbing back to where the cab idled its engine.
"You’ll have to come in and wait, Richard." giggled Jane, leaving the door wide open before vanishing up the stairs.
Paying off the cab, I warily stepped into the house.
"Cooeee!" a voice called. "We’re all in here!"
I was obliged to sit, tea in hand, with Jane’s parents and delightful daughter, acting pleasant, Jane’s mother plying me with questions.
"You’re not a Libran, are you?" I asked.
"No dear. Well, I’m not sure, really. I’m not into that kind of thing. All I know is that my birthday falls in June."
Maybe I was being unfair to Librans. I mean, there must be some quiet Librans somewhere on this earth. Maybe Jane was the only non-stop talking Libran on this planet. Even now I could hear her talking to herself, the voice floating down from above.
"That’ll be our Jane, trying to decide what dress to wear." said the mother, as she removed herself, going up to help Jane make a decision.
At last! Jane came down the stairs and twirled. She really looked great, eyes aglow, mouth wide-smiling.
"How do I look?" she asked, going over to the mirror above the fireplace.
"What do you think?" she asked again, turning to each of us for approval. We were unanimous, all agreeing she looked stunning. Again, she turned to survey herself in the mirror before declaring she was ugly. It seemed to me that Librans can be quite insecure about their looks, needing wholehearted assurances from others at all times. I wondered if plastic surgeons had a wonderful time with them, nipping and tucking. No, maybe not. Still, Jane could certainly do with a few stitches in her gob at some time!

Hurrah! We were off! Jane had cajoled her father into driving us over to Nathan’s house and we could hear the music before we got out of the car. Nathan met us at the door, a nice polite chap who took our coats, hanging them up and shaking my hand when Jane breezed… "Nathan, this is my friend, Richard. Richard, meet Nathan." before leaving us as she hustled her way into the gathered crowd.
We stood, Nathan and I, watching her go. Nathan sighed, eyes sad, hound-dog, saying… "You’ll have to find your way about, I’m afraid. Drinks are out the back, in the kitchen."
Passing through the crowd, I saw Jane hanging on to the arm of a tall well-built fellow who seemed to be the life and soul of the party. In his mouth was a rose which, much to Jane’s delight, he presented to her, giving a sweeping bow. This, I thought, must be Colin, the Don Juan of Dartford. Claiming a drink, I stood to one side, watching as Jane smooched a slow dance with Colin. Nathan, meanwhile, was dancing awkwardly with a horse-face girl, all the while his eyes on Jane. It was quite surreal in a way. Hadn’t Nathan got the message by now? But wait, the music had ended and now Jane was hot-footing it to be by Nathan’s side, hanging onto his arm, eyes coyly looking up into his face, the sideways glances also making her aware of Colin’s jealous glare.
"What do you think?" asked Jane, joining me.
The party had gone into the night, Jane sharing her time equally between the two love-smitten men. I looked at her through part-drunken eyes.
"What do I think of what?" I asked.
"Well, who do you think I should go with? Nathan or Colin?"
"You go with the winner." I said, my eyes on the horse-faced ugly, who, after a few drinks, had become rather attractive.
"What are you talking about, Richard?" demanded Jane, pulling at my sleeve. "What winner?"
Horse-face had returned my smile, drifting towards me.
Jane had given up and shouted for someone to come and dance with her. Nathan and Colin raced towards her and she laughed loudly before choosing someone else to partner her, leaving both antagonists to glare at each other. Horse-face leaned against the wall next to me, eyes glancing at my face. I smiled at her before walking over to lean against the mantelshelf. Colin saw me motion to him and he came, all the while his eyes on the dancing Jane.
"I’ve been talking to Jane." I said.
"Oh?" his eyes taking me in with interest, "What about?"
"She seems to have the idea she’s not worth fighting for."
Have you ever watched when a man’s pride is at stake? Colin’s back arched, neck stiff, face reddening.
"Is that what she thinks? It’s that bloody Nathan! You just tell him I’ll be waiting outside in the garden!" he shouted, tearing at his tie as he bullied his way through to the back door.
Nathan was not as weak and pathetic as he looked, not when it came to fighting for the one he loved. He looked the part as he, too, strode his purposeful way out to the grassy battlefield.
"Fight! Fight! Nathan and Colin are fighting in the garden!" someone screamed.
Jane shrieked with excitement as she pushed her way to the front, shaking with fear, yet thrilled to have both admirers fighting over her. Smiling to myself, I sought out horse-face and gripped her hand, drawing her back into the empty room. Above the noise of the battle and cries of the watching throng, I made my suggestion.
You know when people, especially men, say that a girl can’t punch as hard as a man? Well, it’s not true! I never did wait to find out who won the fight, or the fair maiden’s hand. I needed to get home to see if I could do anything about my loose teeth!