THE ASTROMATES...Chapter 10...Part 1.

A continuation of my book.

CHAPTER TEN

THE SAGITTARIUS EXPERIENCE

"So, what’s the score, old chap?" asked Alex.
"The score, Alex, the score? I’ll tell you exactly what the score is! First, I nearly died from exhaustion with a crazy Aries. Then I get bashed-up and have to wash dishes because of a Taurus’ jealous ex-husband. Next comes a deranged Gemini who gets me nicked, followed by a mad family who accuse me of desecrating a family grave. After that comes the Omen child and his Leo mother and that’s followed by a bleeding big hole in my head, caused by a Virgo crank. Then an indecisive doll wants me to be a referee, plus a wallop from a woman who looks so much like a horse that only a jockey would be happy to ride it. Then last, but least, a woman who sets me alight in bed! That’s the score. How am I doing so far?"
Alex wrung his hands out, like old Fagin, who had just pocketed a rich silk handkerchief.
"That’s all water under the bridge, dear boy. You’ll just have to put it down to experience."
"What experience? The Astro-Experience?" I exploded.
"What’s next, Alex? Scuba-diving with a hungry shark named Gloria?"
Alex waited me out, for the heat of passion to cool. I carried on,
volcanic…
"I thought I would be getting my ‘Oats’ and what do I get? A smack from one ugly old bag who name I don’t even know and eight near-death experiences!"
Reaching over the top of his ghastly typewriter, Alex leaned to retrieve some fallen papers.
"My dear chap," he said, righting himself, "You can’t expect every Astromate to dive into bed with you on a first date. It’s always the case with women. Unless you have charm, the looks or the cash, you have to persevere. In your case, you’ll have to spend a hell of a long time persevering."
"So what have you got to offer?" I challenged, feeling rather peeved Alex considered me to be so untalented.
Alex smiled as he spread out bony hands.
"Why, I have intelligence." he said simply.
You see, he had a bloody answer for everything!
"Let’s face it, old man. If all you are after is a…"
"Bunk-up." I interjected.
"A bunk-up." continued Alex, glaring at my interruption before carrying on… "I might as well be running a Call-Girl racket, writing a book about your conquests and hospitalisation caused by venereal disease."
Except for the venereal disease, it didn’t seem to be such a bad idea. Well, let’s face it, if Alex was paying me to date these oddballs just to get a story out of it, he might as well cough up a few more quid and get a real story about hot, sizzling sex. At least, it would make me a happier person. Voicing this opinion definitely got a hostile reception from my employer. He said… "No! How could you ever consider such a proposal? Here you are, on your last homeward trip of this story and are you prepared to throw it all away just because of a few silly upsets?"
You all know me pretty well by now so you’ll agree with me when I state I’ve always been a calm sort of chap but, listening to Alex, nearly caused me to have an epileptic fit. A few silly words? Was he mad! Foolish, perhaps but fire and passion in me is only a short explosive blast and then I quickly cool, to become passive and obedient. I wavered under Alex’s appeal, to carry on to the end of the road, to fulfill my obligation, to cover this story through to its very end. In a way, I had been through the worst and out the other side with a soldier’s courage. Had I not worn my badge with honour? And I was now more aware of the wiles of the female species, more prepared for the traps and trickery set to test me. Squaring my shoulders, I said…
"Bring on the Sagittarian female. I will smile in the face of this devil woman. She will hold no fear for me!"
So saying, I rose to my feet and continued…
"Bring on my next Astrodate, Alex. Let fear fall by the wayside; let the ‘Jollybags’ fill themselves from my sacks!"
"Bravo, mon brave!" applauded Alex, jumping to his feet and clapping wildly.
Having calmed ourselves of exhilaration, we sat, wrapped in our own thoughts, till Alex heaved the old typewriter off the desk.
"Have you ever heard of Artemis?" he asked.
"Who?"
"Artemis." Alex repeated.
"Never heard of it. Is it the name of my next date?"
"Artemis, my dear chap, was a goddess, worshipped by the ancient Greeks. The Romans knew her as Diana."
I nodded sagely, as I always did when I had no idea what the man was on about. Another nod encouraged him to continue, not that I was interested in shagging some bird who’s been dead for a few hundred years. Mind you, thinking about it, I do know a couple of guys who would fancy the job!
"Artemis was famed as a huntress." continued Alex, his voice burning through my thoughts. "Famed for her ability with the bow and arrow. In this light we can classify the Sagittarian female as being in the same league as Artemis. The Saggy lady much prefers to do the hunting, choosing her quarry rather than being chosen. She enjoys the thrill of the chase when it comes to the mating game."
"I trust, Alex, you are not going to fix me up with some nutty bird who will want to shoot an apple off the top of my head like William Tell?" I asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.
"Nothing of the sort, dear boy. What I mean is the Saggy maiden likes to run free, to choose at will, to pick out rather than be picked up. She’s a fiery type, one with many aims. She’s extremely curious by nature and will try out many things as well as travel many different roads. She has many strings to her bow and, perhaps, many a man dancing to her tune."
I just love it when Alex waxes lyrical, having the licence of a poet, stretching things out like… Well, like the drawn bowstring of Artemis.
"Another thing you should know about this lady is her ability to broaden things out, to exaggerate things."
"To stretch them?" I enquired.
"Exactly." said Alex, lauding my point.
I knew from what I had read in the books Alex had leant me earlier, the nature of the Sagittarian was positive and fiery, always willing to fill others with enthusiasm, to inspire and whip up the spirits of those who appeared disheartened. What bothered me was why such a woman with these kinds of characteristics, one who chose to run foot-loose and fancy-free, would want to join a dating agency like Astromates.
"The simple answer is curiosity." said Alex when I broached my thoughts.
"Curiosity? What do you mean?"
"Look at it this way." said Alex. "Put a group of people in a room which is empty except for a table situated in the middle of the room, right?"
"Carry on." I said, visualising the scene.
"Right. On the table is a parcel, all tied up with coloured ribbons. The group is told in no uncertain terms not to untie the parcel. Now, guess which Star-Sign would be the first one who dares to unwrap the parcel?"
"The Sagittarian?" I ventured.
"Right on the target!" exclaimed Alex.
"So the Saggy lady wants to know the ‘In’s’ and ‘Out’s’ of a cat’s backside!" I shouted. "My mother used that expression, because I was always curious as a kid." I further explained on seeing Alex’s saddened expression.
"Yes." said Alex darkly. "I did meet your mother on occasion when we were children. I also knew where you got your lower vocabulary from."
Bleeding cheek! Alex must have forgotten I had also been round his house on occasion for a meal… Like a bloody chimps tea-party!
"Anyway." said Alex. "We can definitely say the Sagittarian is as curious as the proverbial cat… And we all know what happened to the cat, don’t we?"
I didn’t and said so.
"Curiosity killed the cat." explained Alex with a shake of his head. He carried on… "It is also said the Saggy has a habit of putting their foot in it when it comes to keeping secrets. As far as cats go, they often let the cat out of the bag. Not intentionally, you understand, but it’s a subconscious preference for telling the truth. A Sagittarian can often exaggerate a story but would hate the thought of telling a lie."
"Well, that’s a contradiction, isn’t it? How can a person exaggerate a story without stretching the truth?"
Alex smiled. I guess I was in for a lecture. Yep, there he goes, hands clasped behind neck, leaning back, eyes ceiling-wards.
"Your Saggy will often go where angels fear to tread. They are intrepid when it comes to opening up new frontiers. They cross borders and see no boundaries as they travel through life. Thus they see no rigid rules or regulations, nothing in black and white. It’s the same with exaggerations, there’s no lie to the story, just that there’s no boundaries."
"It still sounds a bit irresponsible." I said, not fully understanding.
"Some people might see the Sagittarian as irresponsible, especially the Earth-Signs. They are game for a laugh and are the sportspeople of the Zodiac, good sports through and through." said Alex.
"And the difference between the male and female?" I queried.
"The male often sees themselves as a bit of a stud, they see a mare and are desirous. In a way they have the nature of the horse. They have the wandering eye, plus they have no real sense of timing, an eight o’clock date can mean anytime after twelve. Promises are often made to be broken."
"So you can’t trust the Saggy." I interjected, thinking it sounded rather harsh to be branded a cuckold.
"Of course you can trust a Sagittarian." snorted Alex. "I explained earlier that any Sagittarian hates being called a liar. It’s their sense of timing you can’t trust. They make so many promises that there’s not enough time in the day to fulfill them, especially if the eye is caught by a passing filly."
"What about the Saggy filly then? Is she a rotten mare, searching for studs?"
"Your Saggy filly is the same as far as timing goes and they are quite capable of putting their foot in it. They enjoy a practical joke but tend to take life more seriously than their male counterparts. They mature quicker and find it easier to settle down, even though freedom is still important to them. In a way, the Sagittarian has a dual personality in that one part of them needs to wander life's highways, while another side needs to broaden the mind through education. In a strange way, both travel and reading are ways of broadening the mind."
So finished the lecture. What a long-winded way of saying that Saggy’s are into travel and knowledge.
"Be my luck to get a female who has a wandering mind," I said, "I mean, can I expect her to be at the meeting place or will she get distracted on the way?"