The Great Known

I arduously cage the sorrow burning through my chest

Starve the flames before they expel from my mouth

Before I can tell you how I feel

My own special kinship severed in one fell swoop

Now I am left to adjust to your absence

As you venture back to the great known

Each vocal chord yearns to scream "please don't go"

Both hands ache to grab a hold of your jacket

Tug on it until I am left with only threads

I guess in the end home truly is where the heart is

Your heart was beckoning you back

Mine beckoned for you

Reviews

[Franky]

This heartbreak is well stated. I could almost see the emotion coming out. My heart aches for that kind of pain.

[poison&kerosene]

I am glad that my writing could evoke such a powerful emotion, as melancholy as it may be. Thank you for stopping by and reviewing my writing :)

[Franky]

No problem. Keep writing. It's a defense against this crazy world!

[R.E. Ray]

This poem is raw, but doesn't tear at the reader's flesh. It's an ache most of us have known, and you've captured well in this poem. You create not only imagery but emotion that draws in the reader.

This poem stands well as is. At the advice of some good poets, I've tried to remove most of my "ly" adverbs and use more dynamic verbs (e.g., instead of "arduously cage" could you use one verb that captures that feeling?). I've also worked lately to reduce, if not eliminate my "ing" verbs. For example, instead of "each vocal chord yearning" why not say "each vocal cord yearns to scream..."? I've struggled with both, but when I go back and read my older poems, compared to the more recent, I believe they flow better. Just a few thoughts to consider.

Another good poem.

[poison&kerosene]

I have been thinking that it just doesn't flow the way that I would like it to. I'll try to do some editing using your advice and see how it feels. Thank you!!

[KurKota]

I like the way you express the realism of two hearts while attracted to each other may have conflicting needs.....you did it an effective manner to touch the emotions of the reader.

[poison&kerosene]

Thank you for your kind words. This poem kind of just flowed out of me with no effort. The pain is so real it is easy to materialize it. I'm happy you interpreted it the way it was meant to be seen!