Falling apart at the seams...again

Honestly, I don't remember what it feels like to not feel
broken.
I swear most of my life,
all I ever wanted was to know what to do,
to go back to a time before it was too late.
You say I'm not trying,
but I'm doing the best I can right now.
The weight of the past sits so painfully on my shoulders.
I'm not sure who I am anymore,
or it may be that I just don't recognize myself.
I thought I'd be able to weather this storm.
I thought I was so prepared for this.
But look at me,
Falling apart at the seams... again.