Grudge Match

You never put the toilet seat down.

Your makeup makes you look like a clown.

You couldn't figure out the change from a nickel.

You won't come near my kosher pickle.

You need instructions just to wipe your butt.

You have speed-dial for Pizza Hut.

I can't stand your incessant bitchin'.

You need a map to find your way to the kitchen.

You need a recipe book just to make coffee.

I wish you'd sell that old jalopy.

You can't even open a cereal box.

You went to college to read 'Goldilocks'.

You snore so loudly it wakes the dead.

I wish I had a tape recorder for all the dumb things you've said.

Your rear-end is glued to the couch.

Your beer-belly looks like a kangaroo pouch.

On and on it went throughout their love and marriage.

Like an out-of-control, runaway horse and carriage.

Throwing insults at each other like a never-ending rough patch.

A no-holes-barred,  knock-down, dragged-out ...

... grudge match ...

Reviews

[barleygirl]

You present a BUNCH of creative details to illustrate how such people seem to thrive on arguing. Observing marriages I've been around, I would say this type of back-and-forth is the norm. In my childhood family, we had a culture of putting another person down to get laughs. Since I was articulate, I could slice people to pieces with my remarks & it took years to unlearn this sadistic habit. At this late hour in life, I simply can't stand to be around people who fight habitually. You really pegged this authentically without tipping the balance too far toward being downright s****y/mean (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Pete]

so you grew up with a sharp tongue - ouch. they say that familiarity breeds contempt. this sort of thing seems to be all too common. for some it becomes a way of life without even realizing. we must watch our tongues for not everyone has a thick skin. thanks for politely 'sounding off' Margie ... :)