loving you

A Poem by regina ria

i’m so messed up. i feel like my fingers have finally latched onto something, but i’m not sure what. it feels like a broken promise, or the sharp edge of a cliff. one moment i feel like I've got it, like my bones remember how stand up again, and the next i feel the darkness of the ocean down below. Then at night you come back to me through the window. You ask me what I was like before i had you. You should ask how i was with you because you don't know that either. and if this happiness is cellophane before it breaks, then I’ll just have to tug and it will all come crashing down again. i’m covering myself with mud and calling it sunscreen. i’m not digging my grave i’m just lying in the dirt. When the rest comes in, I’ll tell myself that this isn't so bad. Down here there are no windows for you to fly into. Suffocating wouldn't hurt as much. It's not as bad as loving you.