Magic

A Story by Ramy Wiles

A little something I've just written for my creative writing class. The assignment was creative nonfiction. It had to be personal. This is what I wanted to talk about, so I wrote it.

Seven. That's how old I am. I am seven. I'm a seven-year-old girl at the end of second grade. I feel insignificant in this school. I've only just started here. This is where the bigger kids go, the second-through-fifth-graders. The fifth-graders are so HUGE, you should see them, they tower over everyone! I'm afraid they'll step on me. I really hope they don't. I like being not-squished, and I think my friends like me that way too.

I have two best friends. Their names are Theresa and Kelsey. Theresa is mean to me sometimes, but I think she's funny anyway. That, and I met her at T-ball camp last summer, so I can't just not be her friend. We go to the same school, and we went to the same summer camp. We have to be friends. And Kelsey and I? We went to the same preschool, even. We really have to be friends. She has a lot of really good books. I want to ask her if I can borrow some. I think I'll ask her about that Suzy Q one sometime.

Though there is that one book that's been sitting on my shelf for a while. Maybe I'll go read that one instead. I'll ask her about Suzy Q later.

"I'm going to have a lot of fun with Dudley this summer..."

This school isn't as big as my old one, I don't think, but I don't know about the people here. They're new and some of them are just unfriendly. I'm not sure how well I'll fit in here. I'm too quiet. Plus, I'm young for my grade. I'm only eight. They're probably nine already. I saw some of them looking at me when we were standing in line outside... It's good that I already know Jessica and Ian. I guess I should be happy that Mom put me in Adventure Club over the summer. That was probably a good thing. She must not have wanted me to go into a new school completely by myself. Well, if she wanted that, then we shouldn't have moved.

No, that's not nice. Craig's a good guy. And he loves her, and he loves me. Plus, his cats are really cute. Bud's lots of fun to play with. I don't like Calie much, though. She hisses at me all the time. I'm always afraid she's going to bite me. I don't know. Do cats bite much? I don't know, but I don't particularly want to find out. I'll just keep playing with Bud.

Maybe I can have Jessica over sometime and we can play with Bud together.

Or maybe I can call Theresa or Kelsey.

I don't know, they live kind of far away now. Oh, no, wait, I live kind of far away now.

"Feels strange to be going home, doesn't it?"

"I'm not going home. Not really."

I'm really scared for tomorrow. I've heard all sorts of awful things about middle school. Supposedly the older kids are REALLY mean, and they don't like sixth-graders. What'll they do when they find out I'm a sixth-grader? What if they shove me face-first down a toilet? How will I explain that to Mom?

I think I'll just stay with my friends today. I hope I have more of them in classes than I think I do. They do this weird thing called blocking here. It's nothing like how elementary school was set up. They have A Block and B Block, and the teachers you have depends on the block you're in. I'm in B Block, so I have Holt, Koenigsknecht, Spencer, and... I don't remember right now, I'd have to look at my schedule. Koenigsknecht. That's a really long name. How do you even pronounce that? KOH-nig-skuh-nekt? I don't know. I guess I'll find out when I get there. Oh, and I've heard Holt is really mean.

On the bright side, everything looks really cool and grown-up here. I feel older than ten for once. People like to remind me that I'm young, and they're always surprised when I tell them that I started kindergarten early. It's not that unusual, is it?

"... [H]e felt his heart lift at the thought that there was still one last golden day of peace left to enjoy..."

Chicago is going to be so amazing! Even though Travis is going out with that stupid Erin girl... But you can't even call it going out, really, because they've only ever held hands. They haven't even kissed. If they'd kissed, you could totally call them boyfriend and girlfriend, but they haven't. So you can't. He's so stupid. I hate her. Nobody else likes her either. Kayla and I call her a SCSTFB. It's funny, but I can't say what it means. It's got swearing in it.

But anyway, Chicago! I'm so excited. I love being with my orchestra friends, and this time, I get to be with just them for a whole weekend. We get to go see Wicked! I hope it's good. I've heard a lot from everybody who does the plays. Oh, yeah, speaking of plays, props crew has been so much fun this year! It's not quite the same, because volleyball got in the way and I couldn't be part of the cast, but I still like being around the theatre. Gathering the props isn't difficult, either. They're all really easy to find. Probably because the set is fairly similar to a present-day house...

Plus, I really like being able to spend some time outside of school with Maddie and Jaci and Travis. Especially Travis. OHMYGOD, I forgot to talk about the dance. He danced with me. With ME! It was a slow dance, too! Oh, it was so romantic. And everybody was watching. That part was a little embarrassing, but that was the best night I had in a long time. I hope he likes me too. I'm not going to say anything, obviously. Why would I do that? Jessica already told him that I like him, anyway, so it's not like he doesn't know.

I still can't trust her. Who knows what she'll say to him?

"All was well."

Has it seriously been seven years already? Seven years since I picked up that book for the first time? It doesn't feel like it. Surely it was yesterday. Yesterday I started to read it. And yet here I am. I'm at my dad's house, and it's 3 AM, and I'm crying. I'm crying harder than I have in a long time. The books are done, and I can't believe it all happened so quickly.

I need to wash my face off. I don't want to wake up and have my eyes be stuck together from crying or something. Well, I guess in order to do that, I need to stop crying. But... it was just so GOOD! Everything finished perfectly! Well, except the epilogue. The epilogue could have used a little more... well, anything. I wonder if those two ever got together? I'll have to look that up tomorrow, maybe. But right now, I need to get some sleep. I've been reading for thirteen hours now. That's awesome. I can't wait to tell everyone that I read this book for thirteen hours straight. I bet they'll all be really impressed. Oh, I can't wait to talk about it!

And anyway, it's not totally over yet.

"You need us."

Am I really graduating in less than a year? I don't feel like a senior yet. Actually, I still feel like a sophomore most of the time. It's as if I'm still that dorky, awkward kid who went to Ireland with no clue about how to be an international diplomat. I know I'm not. I've gotten my braces off and stopped wearing those stupid headband things and stopped caring about whether my hair is straight all the time. I'm in the IYSO at Blue Lake, and we're going to France and Germany next summer. Should have gone this summer, but swine flu got in the way. Anyway, I definitely couldn't have done THAT as a sophomore. I feel old.

Oh well. Theresa and Kelsey and Jessica and Maddie and Travis and Alex and Bug and Jaci are all older than me. Travis is turning eighteen this year, can you believe it? That's so surreal. Those five days between our birthdays will be really odd. He'll be fully legal, and I'll still be only of age to drive. Well, obviously, that'll be fixed in five days, but it's still strange. Just like him.

Man, that kid is strange. I don't even know what to think of him anymore. I mean, I'm over him (mostly), and we're friends and all, but I still can't help but wonder if he likes me. I don't know. It's probably stupid of me to think that he still might. Maddie and Collin certainly seem to have stopped thinking so. Oh, they're an item again, they got back together over the summer. Finally. Good thing, too, because Danielle just wasn't right for him at all. Hah. He liked me more than he liked her... No, he's all set with Maddie.

Senior pictures are soon... I've always thought the whole practice to be kind of weird. I mean, is there really a point to them? They just kind of exist. They're pictures. They're nothing special, except the person maybe looks a bit better than usual. I hope I don't have to wear makeup for it. Makeup is ridiculous. I've tried it. I hate it. I don't think the other girls like me much for it, but I've kind of stopped caring about what they think.

Especially the volleyball girls. They don't like me playing right side? Too bad. Coach stuck me there, so I'm there. And I'm pretty damn good at it. It doesn't matter that I'm not pretty. And I'm not even not-pretty. I just wear glasses, and apparently that's ugly to most guys here. Ugh. I'm so sick of these boys.

Maybe I am ready to graduate after all.

"I want to bury him."

Really, Britany? Thanks. You've just ruined my birthday. My eighteenth, too. Let me be emotional for once, will you? Ugh, why did I go to college here again? Oh, well, I suppose Brooke's here, but still. I left Theresa and Kelsey and Mom and Dad and Craig and Mallie and G and my IYSO friends and France and Germany for this?

You know how sometimes, the distance between where you are and where you want to be feels like a million miles? Now is one of them.

Maybe I'll just give Mom a call. Well, not NOW, obviously, because it's 3 AM... I'll be talking to her today, anyway. It is my birthday.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

Oh, God. I can't see. I'm going to crash on my way home, aren't I? Oh well. Do I really care right now? No. I don't. I'm crying too hard to care. This has got to be the hardest I've ever cried. Oh, God. Stay on the road. Don't swerve that way. Have to keep driving. Mom's expecting me back by three or so. Besides, I have to get some sleep... maybe.

I want to be seven again. Let me be seven, please. Oh, please, can I be seven again? Please? I want my childhood back. I want to go back to the first time. I don't want to be in college anymore. I don't want to be almost nineteen. Life is too difficult now. Take me back to the simpler days. I want to just sit and read again, like I used to. I want to see the movies for the first time again. I want to go back to that restaurant in Florida. That's where everything started for me. I want it all back.

I want my cat. I want to sit and cuddle with her and cry until I can't cry anymore. I suppose I'm doing the same sort of thing right now, but minus the cat, plus a steering wheel. Stay focused on the road. It's only half an hour. Not even that, if I go fast enough. Have to keep driving.

Oh, GOD, not that music right now! No, no, no, no... no, it's not fair! It's not fair! Why does my brother get to be seven and I don't!? Why can't I? Surely within the last few hours, someone has invented globally-accessible time travel? So I can go back? No, stay on the road, car. Going off the road is a terrible idea. So is humming along to this song... No, no, no, no, no, no more tears, not right now, I need to see the road!

Oh, look, I'm home.

Home.

Here come more tears.

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

Why can't I think of anything to write about? It's due tomorrow, so I have to get it done soon. Otherwise it's going to be a lowered grade or a zero. I can't remember which. Neither is a particularly desirable outcome, though. I wonder where Brooke is? I hope her drive is going smoothly. I also hope she doesn't actually stay up all night trying to get her homework done. Goodness knows that's the last thing she needs to do.

Okay, focus. Paper topic.

... Oh. I should have looked up a while ago. The books are sitting right there.

It's really been seven months, hasn't it? Twelve years and seven months, give or take. Eleven? Twelve? I've lost count at this point. It was 2000. Coming up on twelve, then. Twelve in a few weeks, actually. Wow. Time is impressive.

Oh well. I can't think too philosophically about it right now. I've got a paper to write.

"After all this time?"

"Always."