HIM

Short....something of a story.

HIM

Love can come in waves, all at once, or maybe grow slowly around your heart. To me when you love someone you don’t hurt them you try your best to make them happy, because if they are happy you are happy as simple as that. I loved once I’m young so it will repeat again in my long life. When that other person breaks your heart, it hurts not just mentally but physically. It feels like a punch in the chest like someone literally curled up their fingers into a ball and took a step back than swung that arm. Everyone says that knowing a guy for a short time doesn’t give you the days or months to fall for them. Like I stated earlier it can come all at once and with this specific guy it did. I met him and I knew he could be the potential guy that ends up hurting me, so of course I tried not being interested in him but he ended up being amazing and ended up being the completely wrong person for me. It took me less than a month to realize that he had my heart. I knew one day we were lying in bed and I saw a look in his eyes, today I would say it was lust but it was a look I never saw someone look at me like. I messed up this relationship, I fucked up more than once and the more I fucked up the more I could feel something was changing. I thought in the end when he walked through my door and emotionally punched me that it was my fault but now I know it wasn’t. Even if he did love me, he didn’t love me with all of his heart, I thought he was an immature male who was just pulling me along for the ride but now I see I was immature to think that I could change a guy who gives a piece of his heart to everyone he meets. I got a small piece and his exes had a piece, he gave a piece to so many people he doesn’t have enough to love just one person. One day I hope he finds the person that melts his heart the way he did mine, one day he finds the woman that can put up with him and someone he can put up with. He will always be my first love and I will always be that person he once knew. Maybe a person he can look back on sometimes and smile, maybe just a person he doesn’t hate, but I can never be his friend I can never look at him and not feel those feeling I felt in early May, those feeling that took such a short amount of time to build and that is taking so long to stop. One day I’ll try to explain in detail to him how much he meant to me but right now I am just figuring out my next steps.