Self-righteous Service

TW; Suicide mention. Please be wary.

There's a point in your life where all your cares wash away

When everything you lived for

Just empties your mind

And there's no point in living anymore

You can't stay alive for your best friend, and you hate yourself for it

You can't stay alive for the one you love, and you hate yourself for it

You can't stay alive for your family, and you hate yourself for it

You hate yourself because you know you're leaving behind people who care

But you don't care

You don't care about the pain you cause yourself

And the pain you cause others

So you decide to die

You stay up until it's 2:27 and get out of bed

Your feet are cold, but it's okay

You look for rope, and you find it

Then you remember that article you read online

You don't want a high chance of survival

You don't want the issues that come with it

You look for a gun, and you find it

Then you remember that if you shoot your temple

There's a chance of the gun ricocheting or simply following the pattern of your brain

And that you'll live with never wanting to try again

You look for pills, and you find them

Then you remember that you'll be stiff and in pain for 10 minutes 

Or maybe even more

You decide that maybe they're not the right pills

Besides, your liver issues can wait

You look for a razor

You decide to take apart your pencil sharpener

Because you always do, and you can't find a box cutter

Then you remember it's up the road

And that you'll go into shock if you witness your blood 

Endlessly squirting out of your arm 

With the bittersweet pulsating of pain

You look for an escape

But you're too scared to do it

And you hate yourself for it

So you go back to bed

And wait to do the same thing again

Author's Note

Suicide is never the answer

Reviews

[Correspondence]

Maybe...Is it selfish when it is for the consideration of others..?

[Ashe Conten]

That you for writing this, some times I forget I'm not alone

[Rae]

You really aren't. If you need a good cry or reminder, watch Shelter by Porter Madison.

[SIsarmento]

This really got to me. I share a connection to this poem, and empathize with the writer (you). I like how vulnerable I felt reading it, it made me feel the writer was me.

[Rae]

Thank you. That's pretty much what I was aiming for, haha.