Defeated Cheater

In this story, Lily, eighteen, is in a committed relationship to her long time boyfriend John, nineteen, whom she no longer loves. The truth is revealed in the form of a text message to Josh, thirty, whom she is now after and confident that she will attai

I am in the back of Ryan's car, smoking a cigarette I should not be, texting Josh.

"You don't understand," I type, punching the letters of my cell phone's keyboard in hysteria. "You should be with me."
After rereading what I wrote, I erase it. Why am I so f*****g desperate? I try again.
"As a friend, I believe that you should reconsider sleeping that eighteen year old girl." Satisfied, I press send.

I have known Josh for what is going on two years now. I met him at my first job at the local supermarket.
He had been working there for a few years and had a young face, young mind, and a young soul. And an old age. He was twenty-eight.
So of course, Josh was always "off limits," but we maintained a healthy coworker-friend relationship. That was, until I started getting older.
He started to tell me more about his life and I, in turn, would share parts of my years with him. And we became closer we, despite the relationships we would collect and dispose of along the way, angry public arguments, and now this.

I am now eighteen, legal, with the window cracked on this December night to tap the ashes of my cigarette into the virgin snow. I shudder, freezing because of my lack of clothes: a tee shirt, sweat shirt, and yoga pants. The air is tearing me apart, but will not rip this cigarette from my hand.
My phone rings in my lap, with a response of only one word: "Why?"

I pause to think, my hands ready at the keys. What do I want to say? Should I tell him the truth? Debating back and forth with myself is beginning to get the better of me, so I type from my heart, emotionally drunk off the love I have waited so long to release:

"Josh, you should reconsider because I love you." Send.

I take a drag off my cigarette and look to the boy in the passenger seat. Nineteen year old, John, was my boyfriend of two years. He still works with Josh long after I quit the supermarket to work at the mall. He would be heartbroken when I told him I was leaving him for Josh, who was twelve years my senior.

I think of the irony of this "other girl" and I being both eighteen, then shake it off. I was born a thirty-five, with a habit for good literature, music, and cigarettes. I am just like Josh.

I hear something murmuring, fuzzy words. John is speaking to me, "--so hungry! Do you want anything, Lily?"
I had not even noticed we stopped. "What?"
"Hellooo," he says, rapping on my forehead, "Anybody home? We're at WaWa."
Annoyed, I brush his hand away, "Stop! No, I'm not hungry." I am waiting for Josh's Goddamn answer!
"Calm down," Ryan says from the driver's seat, "You PMSing?"
"Shut the f**k up!" I yell. The phone buzzes in my lap. The response.

I open my phone, savoring the moment as a child on Christmas morning. And I begin to read:
"Lily, I don't understand what you are saying, but what I do know is this: You are in a committed relationship with John, who is friend of mine. I would not want to hurt him in any way. You are great friend Lily, but I could never be able to commit a real relationship to you. You, just like Brooke. Both of you could never be able to endeavor the hardship of a relationship with me. You are such a great friend and I want to keep you that way. Okay?"

My cigarette is burning the skin in between my index and middle fingers. But I do not flick it away. I focus on orange embers flicker and twinge, the rest of the car blurring. I am crying. And there is another buzz my cellphone.

"Lily, are you okay? Don't take it personally, please," it reads, but I cannot comprehend. The only thing I understand is new empty feeling in my chest is here to stay.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems & I know the second paragraph feels awkward but y'know...

Reviews

[Taylor H]

this was really good. i hate the fact that she had to be a little b***h to her boyfriend and asume the the other guy would date her. it was really good and pulled me in