Searching For Balance

Searching For Balance

In all my journeys

I have looked for balance,

the life forces that make sense

of a world gone mad.

These ripped jeans,

faded flannel shirt

and worn out moccasins 

remind me 

of dusty country roads

and deep forest green

lost to barren,

colorless wasteland

and seas where

whales have forgotten their songs.

Along this path,

I have looked into countless faces,

seen hollow eyes,

empty souls of meaning,

and unfocused meandering.

My animal spirits,

wolf, owl and hawk

talk to me of defeat.

“We are a lost,

defeated tribe.

Here, but hardly alive.”

So I continue this search

for understanding

balance

often waking from dreams

thinking I will still find your

warmth lying beside me

in my bed roll of desire,

your gentle, open smile

caressing through my hair

in long ago memories

cascading down my heart.

These worn out moccasins

no longer know which way to go.

They climb me mountains

where there is the bitter taste of snow,

down into valleys of unknown,

flowing me down rivers,

over their tall waterfalls

and into the deltas

of dead seas.

In all my journeys

I sought balance

in the world around me

and in my heart.

My spirit animals are right,

everywhere wasteland,

a tribe defeated

here, but not alive.

No balance in my heart

just the empty ache

of missing you-

your warmth

your gentle touch

your kiss.

Aztec Warrior/redzone 8.28.16

Author's Note

....thanks for reading...

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is beautiful on so many levels! The main thing is your originality, which is off the charts. Nobody writes a poem this long without succumbing to something cliché, but you, my friend, are miles beyond that. Your mind is not plugged into the common consciousness, I think, & so you never resort to mundane platitudes like many do. I love the way this message is a blend of overall life observations, your own knowledge of your totem animals, & many rich details from your actual life experiences. The message itself is the poster child for the balance you speak of, becuz it touches on happy & regretful aspects of live in a balanced way, but overall feeling hopeful. I wish I could walk a mile beside your moccassins in my dirty bare feet *smile* (((HUGS)))

[redzone]

only a mile??? hey Margie you are more than welcome to walk with me, bare feet and all... ;0) but I must warn you it is a difficult journey, perhaps not as idealistic and smooth as the poem may suggest... especially since balance is more that just a personal thing in my opinion... what good is a personal balance when the whole world is crazy... there is hope and possibility abounds but not without struggle and sacrifice, pain and sorrow... you have written about this often as well...

I really appreciate how you read my words and where you go with them Margie, makes me glad I have written this... and you know moccassins and bare feet usually make for good travel companions... lol (((hugsback))))

[barleygirl]

Well, my legs are only good for a mile these days, but we could do a mile on multiple occasions! I know what you mean about the world lacking balance, so you hardly feel it's possible to be balanced in any other ways. Just the other day I told my neighbor that I'm glad I'm 60 becuz I just don't want to be in this world very much longer. I am already checking out mentally. It's too f*****g crazy & demented & senseless. If I stayed plugged in I would write s**t like you wrote in "Life: A Carnival" (not that your writing is s**t, but the observations are pretty bleak). I honestly don't have the bandwidth anymore to absorb all the constant tragedies & strife in this world. Consider me permanently unplugged! *smile* (((HUGS)))

[redzone]

lol.. an unplugged Margie... and then you are faced with people like me you always want to plug you back in... we can't help ourselves Margie we like you too much .... no worries, walk a mile, rest, then push you awhile in that wheel chair... rest some more (I'm old too so I need rest, lots of it lol)... it is very bleak, but also the potential to changeall this lies within this bleakness... this is often what is difficult to see and understand and to act on...

[Lydia Shutter]

The intensity of emotion through every line of this poem is astounding, Curt! I could hear the worn out moccasins on the dirt road and see the forlorn look on the solo walker's face. The longing for what once was....so poignant. We all seek balance in our lives, but the truth is, few find that balance. We have to learn to take away a little here and add a little there in order not to fall. If we do fall, though, somehow the safety net appears....never doubt that. An incredible write....not just "nice".

[redzone]

since I have failed often and fallen far, that safety net better be big and strong... lol thanks for your kind words and for holding up some of that safety net in your words and comfort... even more your friendship... ;0)

[Lydia Shutter]

Back at ya, my friend.....home again! :)

[Ana Papaya]

I feel this one. Always a bit off centre, until we find someone to balance the load.

[redzone]

exactly Ana, thanks... ;0)

[Lyn Anderson]

truly moving and heart string tugging. One question, cause I am weird like that. Is sould just a play on sold, or is it souled, a play on soled?

[redzone]

Hi KL, I wish I could say I left that for you to find... but alas, just a misspelled word that I saw only after I posted but have now fixed... is to be read as "souls"... I am not as creative in crafting those other words as you are...

thank you so much KL, I am glad for your visit and that this poem tugged at you.... and for keeping me honest... ;0)

[Lyn Anderson]

awww, I see -- ok, and now I see ... that's why i asked. I haven't been reading much, or posting at all, just madly organizing. I have written a lot of poems lately, but refuse to post them. They aren't the me I feel I am now -- just a phase I have already passed through but have to relive every once in a while.

[redzone]

I know that's right... I am sorry if you have gone through some troubles KL, I am glad you are through it but still feel for you that it has happened... ((((KL)))))