Pre-New School

This is actually a true story. I mean, that's me in the story right now.

Just a while ago, I found out that I made it. The teachers were impressed with my grades, or something, I suppose, and I'm going to be in a different school for my 11th grade. 

Adrenaline. 

Shouldn't I be in a state of elate-ness like my parents? This is allegedly the best school in the area. Allegedly good people, good teachers, good grades, good activities, good everything. 

Welll.

As I sit here in my room, with Adele singing away in iTunes, I notice the glare of nature outside the window. The sky's semi-dark, a few trees splashed in the picture, some roads twisted like noodles holding luxurious cars as they honk, thinking they're boss. 

Slip down in retrospection. 

My present school is simply mundane. Nothing special, a few kids, a few teachers, and a few kids who think they rule the world. The issue with me is that I don't have that power to withstand popularity. I never manage to be popular. In my present school, I have no recognition, just some, amongst my few friends. Have I been content? ...maybe. Have I been esoterically jubilant? ...Nope.

Besides, if I'd stay in this school, I may never actually open up to the world. 

But...the new school? Am I ready to go through it again? At this point, my mind is quite panicked. I'll have that risk of having to fit in, and what if I don't? I have changed my school several times in the past...and well, they haven't always been good. I would do something entirely stupid on the first day, and watch all those who joined with me get popular, as I'd hide. Or try too hard. Well, I'm not saying I want to be popular. Just that, I don't manage to become friends with people who are truly like me. Or just, good friends in general.

Ahh, extroverts. I really am not one of those. Maybe with my friends, but in life, I'm an introvert, quite reticent all the time, and only I know my secret alleged talents. How will I open up here? What if something goes wrong? HOW should I open up? What if no one talks to me? What if they find me strange?

All my problems are parading en masse intending to destroy the cerebrum. People say "Just be yourself", well, uh, I'm always me, I'm a very bad imitator, but.... being 'me' doesn't always work.

The melancholy music is making me even more melancholy-cal. My hands are super cold, I have to keep rubbing them against the skin of my cheek to feel warm. And even that works temporarily.

All I want is a place where I belong. With friends who make me feel like I belong, who I can relate to. Till now, I have never actually been completely contented. I remember joining my present school, I was so excited, but turned out to be nothing. I don't know...all those school's I've changed, something just...goes wrong. Like involuntarily.

And I don't want the same to happen here. Really, I don't. At this point, I don't really know who I should be. What I should be. Should I be the super-crazy-friendly-loud newbie, or the quiet-and-shy-but-dreamy girl. Or a mix? I have mixed feelings. And also this feeling that something's gonna go wrong. 

AAAHHHHH IREHGIRGO4IGJW RIGHJPQOIGEJAU42WGJEOFDCVNNSCA0guwjrgjnerkjv-0eunjrbigk iahawoihoOEHBEAHRUJNOIRSJ GAWEG;OLDSMNKCXLVCM.V,XKNSLRKND RPW

^sorry, couldn't find words for my angst. 

Cumulonimbus clouds arrange themselves in concentrated proud lines, some up, some down, and I hear the distant rumbling. A few red leaves drizzle down from that anonymous tree, and wind picks up speed, as if coordinating with my heartbeats. 

But...the moon seems encouraging, somehow. 

Reviews

[Suditi]

Great story!
The emotions are so raw, fresh.. Beautifully expressed..
And yes, it is difficult..to fit in..to be accepted.. sometimes we try too hard, sometimes we give wrong impressions..yes.. But i think its all very temporary.. After all, everybody in this world is trying to fit in here or there..everybody!
So, dont worry! This school is gonna be great!
I read somewhere, "to be happy, you dont need followers, you need friends."
So, popular or not, if you choose to have a good time in this school, i think you will. :)

[Michael G.]

A well written piece. I felt like I was getting honest feelings here, not something made up. You kept my interest throughout.
Keep writing.
On a personal note. "Just be yourself..." is what us older people tell young people to be because there isn't any other way for you to be... because things are gonna happen, no matter what.
Take one step, then another, breathe, breathe again... and you will get through the day. And 99 out of 100 of everyone around you is doing the same thing. Some just cover it better than others, that's all.

[Thea]

Aw...I'm having the same thoughts just like you...It's hard making new friends when you transfer to a new school...I like the ending, t'was creative enough...Great work!
:)))

[Jed Sabffle]

WOW.. i really love this.
I can relate because next school year, I will enter college. and I am having the same thoughts.. if i will have good friends... because I'm not that really good in "making friends"..actually i'm an introvert person too..
So for me..this very stunning!
I like the 8th and 9th paragraph..They reflect my own outlook.
Well, very awesome one.. I like the point of view and the meaning, of course..
Excellent job! Thanks for sharing! :D

[Shy Girl]

All I can tell you as far as changing places is this: "In the big wide world that you graduate into, just how many of these people are you really ever going to see again?" In theory not many...the ones that you know never leave the hometown are more and likely the best peeps to meet and get to know. Starting off fresh is tough, but didn't you say that you really wanted to go to this type of school?? You can express yourself soooo much better there than in a regular high school...that is only trying to get you ready for college (again in theory..some are much more) Take each day as it comes...feel your way through and let your heart guide you to those who best fit with you... I'm sorry that you have to go through this though :)

[Trusting]

This is a great story! Truely. This is mind blowing amazing. Keep up the good work.
:)

[?]

Very well written and discriptive story...which makes for a NON boring story...great job...look forward to the next...

[Angelic Surrender]

Nice :)

[Your Perfect Disaster]

This was like.... wow....
And a piece of advice, adjusting can be hard, fitting in can be hard, expressing yourself can be hard, but being you, tat should be the easy part.
New schools are scary and making new friends can be hard but as long as you go through with it, which should bring SOME joy to you, you shouldn't have trouble making ANY friends. Don't let your fears tear you down.
Think of this as a new experience, another chapter in life, and take it day by day. In the end you should see, it isn't so bad after all.