Life Of a Dyke

Life in a new perspective. Love those who have stayed by you even when you feel as if you were alone.

Tuesday April 30, 2013

    10:20 pm

Today went by pretty easy with encountering the usual freaks and weirdos that exist in high school. Lunch was gross as usual and the rest of the day was a drag. There was only one thing about my day that made if exciting and that's Jonathan. Now I've mentioned Jonathan before as my best friend, along with Lily, but Jonathan is different.

Jonathan and I have a couple of times been through what some may call a "thing". When two people talk to each other all the time constantly flirting, yea that kind of "thing". I honestly don't know what to call it when you're almost dating your best friend but he's so nervous for you to be his girlfriend that he finds little things to argue about. He's broken my heart twice already, but I keep going back. Why is it that I do this? No idea. Am I in love? Or am I just desperate and feel as if he is the only guy for me. He's perfect in every way. Sure you may be thinking that this is weird because he's my best friend and all, but it's not. The fact that we're still friends should mean something right? These questions are constantly coming into my head all the time and I can never seem to find the answer. I even wonder if the questions are even worth thinking about every single night, just laying down, thinking over and over how it should end.

Side Tracked, I guess sometimes I just get lost in this world that revolves around him. The perfect world, but I know I eventually have to come back to reality. I only brought him up in the first place because at about 7 o'clock, after dinner, I went over to his house to work on three different projects for school. We get together about three times a month just to do this and i honestly love it. It's not the whole "being alone" concept, but the idea that I can tell him anything and ask for any advice I may be needing. I know that this time is the only time we really have to catch up with each other and talk about personal things that we needed to get off our chest. By the end of the night, only one project was done but we each shared some things that made us feel a lot better. Knowing someone is there is the best feeling in the world. 

Once getting back home, I feel so much better and so more relaxed to know that someone knows what I'm going through and that I can trust them. That is a true friend, and I know that I have one. It makes it easier to sleep at night knowing that someone likes to hear what you have to say and can also give feedback. Jonathan is that friend an that's exactly why I can write so much about him. I think my favorite part is that he cares. He listens to everything I have to say, even when we're in an argument. Since our last fight he has tried his hardest not to mess up again and I love him for that. How he remembers the date that we first met. That's it, December 28, 2010.

By the end of the day, all that matters is that you should live in the moment and don't let anything stand in your way. Be thankful for those who have stuck by you through the thick and the thin.