An orange

I had an orange:
The smell still
stuck on my nails,
The rind just didn't want 
To come off.
Some folks are like that, too.
Pervasive,
No matter how
Many times you scrub 
Your hands
Clean of them.

My mother used to say

Ihat I was like an onion, 

that one can peel me and 

Discover many layers -

by my flesh they would be 

Surprised of 

my

 Sweetness!

But knowing me 

would also come with

many a tear, 

Because layers have 

Depth to them.

Reviews

[Lorraine Montez]

I get the impression that the "stank" that some folks leave, in your estimation, is not so sweet as that of the citrus you describe. Good comparison, though. Upon reading, the resounding fragrance is that of the former. Orange you glad you get the last word on them? (Couldn't resist). Very nice and concise.

[barleygirl]

Oh yeah, I've known quite a few like this. Your description is vivid & specific, painting a vision in the reader's mind. I find myself wandering off track, tho, thinking about those who cling like pungent garlic . . . or some that continue burning long after, like chopping jalepenos. Your message seems to be a contrast. I love the lingering scent of orange, but in your poem, it seems like an undesirable thing. That's why the other more pungent things came to mind.

[reluctantsyren]

That's actually helpful as I could continue the poem with another analogy

[barleygirl]

I'm honored to give you some further inspiration . . .

[reluctantsyren]

I had an orange:
The smell still
stuck on my nails,
The rind just didn't want
To come off.
Some folks are like that, too.
Pervasive,
No matter how
Many times you scrub
Your hands
Clean of them.

My mother used to say
Ihat I was like an onion,
that one can peel me and
Discover many layers -
by my flesh they would be
Surprised of
my
Sweetness!
But knowing me
would also come with
many a tear,
Because layers have
Depth to them.

© The second draft @barleygirl

[barleygirl]

I especially love the contrast between pungent & sweet . . . the sweetness feels a little surprising, which I like in a poem. I really love where this is going . . . (((HUGS)))

[reluctantsyren]

YaY
to this