Awaiting

I want to go six feet under

death is awaiting me

and i am awaiting death

i am ready for it to happen

the devil will take me

he can punish me too

he is awaiting me and i am awaiting him

whipped with a chain

with glass shards and rocks

the welps on my back

being filled with blood

no longer can see

blinded by red

my feet my hands

burned by fire

can't eat

can't drink

and won't sleep

but it will be better

i will never 

be hurt again

won't worry anymore

death is awaiting me

and i am awaiting death

Reviews

[Vria P Crow]

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Frankly, I always want to help adolescents with their struggles as I am an Education major in hopes to also counsel young people. I assure you that you are using the proper outlets that many have used to get through trauma and you should not feel isolated. I will also promise you that as you get older this will be a vital memory. You are still very young with prospects. Feel grateful that you have the ability to rehabilitate in a timely fashion.

CONTENT

Evidently, there is a spread of emotion popping at the seams. Please do not take offense with some critiquing I will do. It is meant to help you become more in tune with your mind, to organize your thoughts.

Let us start with positives:

1. HONESTY: You are not afraid to be direct with the reader. It is difficult to share thoughts of nihilism or utter feeling of meaningless. It is not meant to be confused with Existentialism. I am not sure if you are a Literature nerd but please research it. Philosophy theories correlates to your current emotions whether you realize it or not. Harness your intelligence into something constructive which you are doing by recording your emotions.

2. FIGURES OF SPEECH: You appropriately use personification of death which is a reoccurring theme. The reader is able to relate to the desire for death, the pit filled with dread. The allusions to the devil brings forth a theatrical scene to depict what is going on in your mind.

3. AWARENESS: You aware of what is going on and trying to understand it instead of giving up just yet. Most will read this and perceive it as hopeless. I would disagree because you are sharing what you felt a certain time. Emotions are fickle.

Let us move onto negatives:

Here is where the Grammar Nazi emerges within me to give a guiding hand. Poetry does not need punctuation but if you are going to use it, it is better to stay consistent. I suggest capitalizing the lower case "i" or become an e.e. cummings by using a lowercase "i" in your first stanza. I personally like to break rules. Given there are not periods in the poem which is identified by breaks, this will lend itself as stream of consciences.

PERSONAL CONNECTIONS

I am a 24 young woman who has gone through trauma in the past. As a suggestion, I recommend indulging in all the arts including painting, sketching, photography, coloring, and so on. It was what got me through everything and now I am far better between the balance of reality and escapism.

Please do not give up yet. Keep doing what you are doing. :D

READING SUGGESTIONS

1. Edgar Allan Poe: "Ligeia." Short Story.
2. Existentialism: You can research it.
3. Nihilism: You can research it

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Overall, I had a mix of emotions because I am relieved to know that we are not really alone but it is also sad that you are going through it currently. If you have any questions, just ask. :D

I'll be willing to read anymore of your work if you found this review helpful.

sin cerely,
ria

[PoeticSorcery]

feels like that sometimes, when life gets you down, and you can't seem to pick yourself back up.

[WittyWonka]

Such a deep longing to be punished and how vivid the details. We tend to feel this way when we blame ourselves for something that is often out of our control. Still, you say it so very well.

[Jade]

last two stanza's I can feel, it's so true too. wonderful poetry

[Rebecca Garber]

thank you so much