Crumbling Hourglass

It slips from my hand

I jump to my feet

I let out a shout

And my heart skips a beat

A moment in oblivion

It finally strikes the ground

A sharp pain down my spine

It makes my heart pound

Scattered pieces of shattered glass

That fragile shape, now gone

The sands of time now blowing away

The sands of which I was born

I collapse on the floor

The pain like I've been split by a knife

With one last smile, and one last tear

I say 'That hourglass was my life'

And I gave it to you to take care of

But you broke me, and shook me away

And now I lie in darkness

Far from the light of day

Author's Note

My latest poem!!!

I know I've been away since a long time, and I've also written many poems, so I'll be posting them soon. I'm not getting time for your RR's , but I'll get to them soon.

About the poem...

Do leave a review by! You might find the second line of the second last stanza a bit too wordy, but I intended it to be that way.

Reviews

[paparapapa]

I love the theme of this poem. The first four stanzas flowed perfectly well maybe because of how you used time (chronological order of the events). And the rhyme scheme wasnt awkward. The last stanza for me though was kind of confusing. Because the first thing that came to my mind was how this was before everything. I guess you can add a few words which can give it a sense of time? Like "to think that i gave to you..." Something like that. Haha. But oh well, maybe its just me. :)) great job.

[Aehr]

I was in a bit of a hurry when I was getting to the end. I think I'll edit it later.

[Danielle]

Great poem!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the use of the hourglass. Gave strength to the desire of the poem. Time is very important. Seconds can be permanent tattoos on our heart and mind. I like the complete poem. A strong ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

[kim_]

i really love this

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Oh wow, Rhead such a wonderful and outstanding poem right here! It has a powerful message behind it. So many different perspectives that readers could've received. Hourglasses to me are awesome! The first thing that pops into my mind is the movie "The Wizard of Oz" with the Wicked Witch of the West's hourglass. I think that's just me though! Also, the choice of image was amazing and beautiful to add to a splendid poem! I agree with other reviews that the theme was lovable and unique. I love your style of poetry and the rhyme schemes of them too. You have a way with your words that spill and talk to your reader's heart in such a touching and deep way. With the hourglass, I know how it feels to give someone your respect and trust, basically your everything. They take it and act innocent for awhile until they break that trust for you two. Which hurts you more than anything in the world! Once someone loses my trust, it takes awhile to reboot. I don't know about if you agree with that or not.

"And I gave it to you to take care of
But you broke me, and shook me away
And now I lie in darkness
Far from the light of day" --AMAZING--is the only thing that pops into this mind of mine! :)

Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG ;)

[Aehr]

wow thanks! i agree, it does take time to reboot

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Haha you're very welcome! I'm glad to know that you can agree with me:)

[The Fallen]

OMG Such a powerful write!!! Giving your life source to someone you trust, and they betray your trust. Such a horrible thing. A very good write. Very good flow. Very powerful.
Amazing write.

[Aly Jones]

This was really powerful and beautiful. I love it, personally.

[Aehr]

thank you, I really appreciate it. If you don't mind, can you tell me what you think about the last stanza in particular? I wrote it in a bit of a hurry! :P

[Aly Jones]

Those last few lines of the poem did seem kind of out of place to me, but I think you made them work. ;)

[Aehr]

thanks :)

[Aly Jones]

You're welcome. :)

[Aehr]

:)