our love is a revolving door

this is more of a poetic excerpt piece ;)) If you like both philosophical and romantic poetic writing, then this is for you. I wrote this about my best friend. enjoy <3

I spend my late nights here wandering under the faded and bleak light of the moon, the universe coexisting above my eyes, above my town, above the microcosmic existence of what is known as a macrocosmic humanhood. How beautiful it is to be alive; how spectacular to experience life in this current moment; just inhaling each vibration, each atom of the dusk around me, trying so hard to always clutch the ungraspable - the existential truth that time will always be fleeting from my cracking knuckles and closed fists. It peeks out from between my crevices like sand, and just when a moment fulfills me, and I feel it fully, it’s gone. yet, during these nights, while i never fail to ponder vast philosophical topics related to these, as my dorm fades behind me to only be crept back into after i’ve fully worn my mind out for the day, most prominently whispering yourself into my mind, i find you, awake with the fantasy of our future, the hope blinding me from the atmospheric darkness i feel surrounding my exterior. 

We exist simultaneously, yet far apart, approximately fifteen hundred and eighty-three miles spanned in between our intertwined souls. It's been a long time coming, yet here we are, further, yet ultimately closer than we’ve ever existed before, as I feel more connected to you than I ever have; your name written on my interior, deep below all my coping mechanisms and distractions and my present, far away from yours. 

It’s been ages, we’ve come a long way since tower grove park, the fully lit sun retiring for a moment as the rain washed us clean of our falsehoods and cover stories, and the alluring hidden manor of our attraction for each other, and i felt your lips grace mine for the first time, fully present, looking up at the weeping willow watching us come clean to one another with every touch, realizing that my life, as it is, may never be the same. 

The ground had shifted from under me, just as it did when we first became friends. I never realized that infatuation and companionship could coexist until I met you, and they overlapped and intertwined into a golden bow of promise; even if one runs dry, there will always be the other, the truth of my liking for you running deeper than my fascination. On and off we are, hummingbirds reaching their favorite flowers apart from their habitats and remembering where they are to revisit again when it makes sense to, when it feels right, keeping it in the backs of their minds forever. life has made it impossible for us to exist right now as anything as intense as we both know we could. Yet, intense, it still is, as daydreams quench a dusted soul, and I know we both pray that somewhere, in this life, time has paved a place for us to be fully in it together. 

I pray that someday our friendship gets pushed deep into the ground, under the earth’s crust where the mantle’s hot destruction starves it of its oceans, i hope it rips me apart instead of just running dry, fearing that at one point it’ll be clutched between my fingers and then suddenly lost, faded over the foothills of time, of the years. I would let this hope kill me if it could, run me into the ground until all my soul has become is dust and picturesque memories, then accept that we will never get to really, truly begin. I pray we never grow apart, looking up at the universe with tears in my eyes and the ground tickling my knees, hands together and vulnerable, praying, giving in, always looking upwards. Yet a part of me knows our union is inevitable - how could it not be? 

Our love is a revolving door. while it closes at times, it’s everlastingly open, the smooth wind of mother nature’s whistles cooling rough surfaces, the air conditioning brushing it’s other sides, within and without, oscillating on a never ending catherine wheel, for even when we weren’t talking, eleven months of pure silence and distant snapshots of dark eyes i thought would never meet mine again, your hands still blessed my face in late nights, my head full of strange rememberings and dreams, stroking my spirit in ways i can't quite describe. Exquisite is my lack of ability to forget you, to stop feeling a slight pull towards you at all times, a golden string threaded in and around my veins, existing somewhere deep inside of me and controlling my movements. 

Religious is how i feel when i think about us; perhaps a higher power churned us both in bowls next to each other, adding similar enough ingredients for us to connect yet different enough for us to both simultaneously expand one another, so we learn from and alongside each other, sprinkling sweet wishes of our earthly reunition into the mix, sprinkling astronomy onto our inevitable and universal connection. I could try to forget you, but your name would still be tattooed into me, and will be that bittersweet invisible string forever attached to my ankle, for as long as I live. . You are my best friend, my ocean, a door that never fully shuts, a light that never goes out. 

Author's Note

don't be mean, I've been writing for like two years and am self taught. ily !! <3