"Twirling"

The story of my greatest pain, written in free form

ChexxDaPaid presents
"Twirling"
Spinning around in a circle...... arms flailing, as royal in my innocence as a discarded rose pedal...twirling...... I was left ....... The last of the set. No one requested an encore. Even now I'm asked to go to the bronze boar and compete rather than to be paid.....for I'm elite...... Irony. Maybe foreshadowing..... 18 months was the last time she held me. I had to be happy because all I remember is pain.....my mind has maintained even though it has refused to operate at times like a surgeon who wanted more compensation. I had to be twirling...... Arms flailing..... She was..... Beautiful. I know because I'm handsome. Ok I'm guessing but who's holding me for a ransom? Who's suing me for being colorful at this black and white moment. The greyscale reality of the entertainer......did she kiss me.....did she hug me.....with conviction.....with persistence...... Did I squirm like I was annoyed? Knowing me I was filled with joy. I was loved. Just one more time before.....she went away. Twirling. Arms flailing. Did I fail her? I swear I didn't mean too. I just wanted you there. Don't go you imbecile. You don't know what I'm gonna go through....or do you.....or did you. I'll never know. Just twirling. Arms flailing..... Things continued to fail me.....just so the atmos know that I know.....cuz you'll never hear me say this but.... It's like I felt you. In the literal.....complicated erosions pouring from my tear ducts as I piece together the remaining photographs after the arson. If the culprit was detained he surely was pardoned.........no justice for me. Just twirling.........Arms flailing. Constricted, falsely depicted, horribly gifted, I've been conned and not defended!!!!!! As if pro bono never existed, my parents returned to me as a three page document ..... The state was raising me, the stakes were in deep, the plates were there to eat, my stomach refused to make a peep, my butt didn't stay in the seat, my hands didn't wanna reach, my heart didn't wanna see and my mind didn't want to be, so who was me and why did I seek, I can't tell you I can't help you but let's just say I couldn't help me........ until I did , now I'm 27 still a kid.....wanting a moment he long forgot......twirling.......Arms flailing. it's cryptic at best. I was left and never rescued. I evolved in my refuge I devolved as I grew ........ Take away the rapper, take away the wife take away the kids take away the melanin and who am I.... ... Just air. Just air. I'm certainly not the just heir. But I know I am in reality but mentally I'm not there......I'm not prepared to share with the man who wasnt there but could have been there and it's nobodies fault and only a few care but why complicate life when I'm used to not knowing exactly where..... To look for pieces of me......it's more than a euphemism when I say I was recreated, I came up with chexx because his story it's better, he never had parents never but he's strong, he didn't F**k wit you before big Sean made a song, he's right when wronged he'll beat yo a*s when Raymond would bawl, cuz he didn't wanna fight, he just wanted to be liked, he just needed a hug maybe a kiss goodnight, maybe some eggs for breakfast, made by my mom while my dad smacked her butt and I saw it and said ewww and they giggle half embarrassed for being caught in their affection, he runs out to work but not before my daily lessons, be strong my son, make me proud my boy, I'll still love you if you don't, and don't take to school none of ya toys, then my mom she looked at me, cuz I was so sweet, I would have took care of her like the toughest lil pup, and she'd make my lunch, tell me to brush my hair, go to school and be good baby, I love you. Whoop....I'm sorry......But I never heard those words from the one I needed it from the most see you don't know unless you know..... How much it hurts. Makes me cry to this day. And whats to blame. I don't know. Maybe one day I'll be twirling. Arms flailing. Again. -ChexxDaPaid

Author's Note

So what do you think? It's a lot that came out and I never let it pour. Tell me if you felt something. That's what art is about.