The Mushroom Hunt

Two friends looking for mushrooms

The sound of the shotgun blast made us scream like little girls. We ran as fast as we could to get back to the truck. Tyler jumped into the driver side and I, wasting no time, leapt into the bed. I banged my knee with such force that I was sure that it was broken. Tyler started the engine and floored it, spewing gravel and rocks behind us. After a minute or so Tyler somehow managed to keep the truck under control until we finally hit the black-top of the main highway. I kept low in the bed of the truck for fear of getting my head blown off. Tyler started to slow down when he realized that we were not being followed. I pick my head up and crawled to the back window where I tapped on the glass to remind Tyler that I was back there.

"Stop the truck!” I shouted.

Tyler eased off the gas and started to press the brake until eventually the truck came to a stop. I climbed out of the bed and limped to the passenger side.

"Go!" "Let’s get out of here.”

Tyler pressed the accelerator to the floor; the truck lurched forward, causing me to jolt back into the seat. We drove for another five minutes before I finally spoke; "F*****g Christ!" "We almost died." I said angrily. "A couple of f*****g rednecks tried to kill us."

"Well", Tyler said, "this is Georgia, they take trespassing very seriously down here."

"Really?" "I can see the headline now." Two Yankees were shot and killed at Farmer S**t-kicker’s property looking for cow s**t"

“Mushrooms Dude, we were looking for mushrooms.” "Besides, that is way too long for a headline." "And they weren't going to kill us; they only wanted to scare us."

"Well, it worked; I think I s**t my pants."

"Really?"

"No dumbass." "F**k!" "I think I shattered my kneecap, I can't even bend the f*****g thing."

"Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No." "But I do need a f*****g drink."

"There should be a bottle behind the seat."

I reached behind my seat feeling for the bottle of rum, finding it; I screwed of the cap and took a drink." I put my head back and tried to calm my nerves. "I can't believe I let you talk me into this."

"What?" Tyler said, now chuckling. "It was a good chance for us to make a little money, and party." "How was I supposed to know about farmer redneck and the shotgun?"

“Recon, Tyler, its called recon. Didn’t you learn anything in the Army?”

“Yes, but a reconnaissance would not have been a viable option in this case.” Tyler reached out his hand and said; “Pass it here."

I handed he bottle to Tyler; who grabbed it and took a drink.

"This trip has been a f*****g freak-show!" “First was that psycho-hippie hitchhiking chick you picked up in Virginia.”

“How was I to know she was crazy?”

“Tyler, anyone who is dressed like that and stinking patchouli has some serious issues.”

“Next, was the Special Olympics volley ball team in Savannah.” “How f*****g surreal was that?” “Do you realize that I almost got into a fight with a retard”? (sic). And let’s no forget your drug addled college friends.” “Jesus Christ, I never thought I would miss New Jersey.”

“Life is an adventure my friend.” Tyler said.”Besides, I thought this little trip my do yo some good.”

“How exactly?” I said.

“I know you buddy, you would have spent your time pining over Gina.” "Take it easy Dude, think of it like this, in twenty five years you'll probably write a story about it" Tyler added; “I would leave out the part about you shitting your pants though.”

“I didn’t actually s**t my pants.”

"Well Dude, It's still kind of early, shall we try and find another one?”

“What?” “Another cow farm?” “No thank you.” “I am done hunting for cow s**t for one night." “This s**t isn’t worth dying over.”

"We'll head back to the college and see if there's anything going on there."

"Let’s try and finding something else to do. Something that won’t get us killed."

“Fine.” “I will figure something out.”

Tyler and I passed the bottle back and forth without speaking. Each was trying to get a grip on what had transpired.

After ten minutes of driving, I asked; "Jesus Christ Tyler, are you lost?"

"No.” “Why?"

"It feels like we have been driving forever."

"Hey, look, there's a place up the road." Tyler said, "Looks like it's a happening place."

"Really?” "Come on." "Look at all the pick-up trucks, it looks like redneck heaven." The only thing missing is a Klan rally.”