You’re alone in your room, stuffing down these s****y emotions that try to bubble up out of the dark pit of your belly and up through your throat. You’re waiting for some boy to come and save you. You want him to come and kiss you softly, to assure you that everything will be okay, that you’re not alone. You’re waiting for this boy, every single f*****g night. Eventually you realize that it is nothing but false hope that has kept you up waiting every night. A sinking feeling hits you and you feel like vomiting, crying, screaming. A thousand realizations hit you at once. You realize just how alone you are. How completely and utterly worthless you are. You think of the blur of a thousand faces you see every day at school, how you never leave the slightest imprint on anyone’s mind. And then there’s that one f*****g boy. All he does is give you a small wave, a smirk of a smile, and you fall for him. That’s how you end up waiting. Staying up all night shoving those s****y emotions to that damn dark pit in your belly. Then those realizations hit, and you try try try to get him out of your head. Shove thoughts of him down away with everything else that happens to you. But it doesn’t work. It never does. You start to notice him even more, he may start to give you just a little bit more attention. It’s a damn cycle. It never ends, and it never helps. It keeps you up waiting and slams you every so often with these god-awful realizations that make you want to drink or swallow pills or drag a blade across your skin just to make them go away. And then one day, the boy kisses you. It’s like a burning sensation that leaves a scar on your mind, your lips. Your knees turn to jell-o and your stomach flips and turns. You think it is love. You think he cares about you, you found a reason to stick around a little more. But it was just one kiss. Nothing more, nothing less. To him it didn’t mean anything. And then you’re stuck, thrown back into the damn cycle again. Stuck.