A Night in the Woods

two brothers and their dog get lost in the woods. They soon find out that not everything is what it seems

Two brothers and their dog where walking through the woods. Darkness was starting to wrap the woods in a veil of black. It was quiet; the only thing that could be heard was the boy's shallow breaths and the dogs loud panting. An eerie feeling had settled in around them; everything was calm. The whole forest was on edge waiting for something; sort of like the calm before the storm, and the little brother snatched his older brother's hand. "Bobby?" the little boy said in a quiet voice that broke through the silence. "Yes Tommy?" "I'm scared." Bobby signed. "It's only dark you'll be fine." "But Bobby the whole forest seems scared!" Bobby furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?" Tommy took a breath and looked at his older brother. "Look at the trees! The wind's blowing but the trees are hardly moving!" "That's only your imagination it's nothing." Even as he said that Bobby could see what Tommy meant; everything in the woods seemed to be hiding. "Come on Tommy lets go." Bobby pulled his little brother around and led him back to their house; the boys were late getting home. As they walked back home their dog Lightning who had been quiet the entire time started to growl. It was a low and quiet growl, the kind that was a warning but not a threat. Lightning turned and stepped in front of the two boys; a small gesture that had the big meaning "stay away." Lightning had stopped growling and was on high alert sniffing the air. The boys froze and they heard a strange noise. A low but powerful growl vibrated through the ground and sent a chill through the boy's bodies. Faster than the speed of light Bobby, Tommy, and Lightning turned and burst through the woods and kept running. Branches and thorns smacked and scratched at the two boy's faces. Bobby and Tommy came to a halt bent over and gasping trying to regain their breath. They strained their ears to see if they could hear any hint that someone or something was following them. They heard nothing. "Where's Lightning?" Tommy asked his voice breaking with fear. Bobby glanced down to where Lightning was, but he was nowhere in sight; the boys were already lost but now they can't find their dog. Terrified and confused the boys surveyed the area their bodies quaking and shivering with fear. Shadows seemed to dance around them closing in. The boys moved closer to each other, but the shadows crept closer and closer. Then up ahead, a light shined. 

Author's Note

This is the first piece that I wrote with dialogue in it. So it might not be perfect since dialogue isn't my strongest point. But I want to get better so any tips would be great!

Reviews

[JordiJeffery]

I think the dialogue here is great, the short sentences help to emphasize how afraid the boys really are.
I really like the way in which you have described the setting as well. Especially "a veil of black" for the falling darkness.
One thing I will point out to you is that I think you could personify the woods in a stronger way if you wrote " the whole forest was on edge waiting for something" rather than "the whole forest seemed on edge waiting for something". That way it suggests that the forest knows something bad will happen, therefore making it that bit more eerie.
On the whole though I like this piece of writing and would love to read more!

[SweetNutmeg]

Short, but interesting and descriptive.

The convention with dialogue is a new paragraph every time the speaker changes.

As well, the last sentence is in the present tense. This might have been done for dramatic emphasis, but it detracts from the flow.

You certainly left the reader wondering!