Sweet Old Mrs. Birnbaum and why Omniscience is a Double Edged Blade

I wrote this for a class midterm where we write a story based off an image. Written 15 Jan. 2025

David:

I hate group projects.

I don’t even need to look up from my phone to know that Gerald is talking to Patricia again.  Of course he’s monopolising her time, as if she’s the main focus of our group project instead of the hypothetical plight of our own Irish Famine.  Always talk, talk, talking, about whatever new non-profit she’s been working on, or some charity fund she donated to.  How about he start work, work, working, on brainstorming ideas to keep ourselves from turning to cannibalism, because god forbid this world falls in the hands of June and Lyons.  Those two have just been making the most unhinged, elaborate schemes since this project was announced.  I glare at Patricia, and for once, actually wish that she uses her overzealous attitude to get this god forsaken group to get its damn act together.

Lyons:

June has somehow started talking about the possibilities of going to space.  I personally think it’s a big stretch, not seeing how a famine here could be solved if people prebuilt lunar farms, but I hear him out anyway.  Though I’ve known him for a while now, it’s still… I guess surprising, that there’s much more to him than your average teen skater boy.  Wouldn’t have even guessed that he was this much of a nerd, a non-stop machine of information once you get him cranked up.  It’s endearing in a way.  To go from the kid who always got yelled at by the teacher for wearing a hat in class, regarded as a troublemaker and rascal by the local adults, to someone who’s secretly so utterly passionate about the most arbitrary things that most would not set the time down to think about.  It really is quite remarkable.  

I’m pretty sure I’ve come to like him more than I know.

Patricia:

If you had to ask, I’m more than sure that at least half the class holds some sort of grudge against me.  “Oh, I can bet 5 dollars that ‘BuddyCares’ is another freakin’ NPO Patricia made.”  “She always just has to kiss up to every single teacher, huh?” 

Yeah, yeah, keep on cryin’ and whinin’ about me.  If any of you really cared, I should be seeing competitors, not a bunch of spineless children who can only b***h around because that’s the best they could do.  It’s pathetic, really pathetic.  Grow some balls and say it to my face, for starters.

The few who do acknowledge me as something more than a tryhard goody-two-shoes, they’re either trying to score a date or leech off me.  Probably both.  Definitely both.  At least it’s advantageous enough to me in the form of gaining members who are actually willing to do the busywork that I have no time for.  And Gerald, my sweet, guileless boy, you are a perfect fit.