DILEMMA

The cafe was dim litted and I sighed in relief

It was oddly satisfying to me, although I had no idea why

Or do I?

You see, the past hasn’t been so fair to me.

Is it the past or my head which was designed by default?

Being tough on myself and nitpicking away

were the things I always did without any second thought.

Acne is that one good friend who never really left my side.

Even though it’s the longest friend I’ve never asked for

I’d like to think that over time, I’ve gotten a lot more aloof towards it.

Or do I?

What’s euphoria you might ask?

Well, for me it is cancelled plans and being holed up in my room by myself.

I sometimes wish it was possible

For us to beat the shyness right out of us

To overcome that feeling of rigidness.

Is it the shyness or the anxiety lurking at the back of my head

Or is it the way I just am?

It’s funny you see,

How I thought things that no longer affect me the way they used to, all come back to me in square one on some days

Taking me back in time

To when I was hit by them in the worst ways possible

Leaving me all vulnerable and flustered.

But that’s okay I guess

You have to feel low to rise high again.

Is something that I’ve learnt over years

Or is it something I’ve struggled with coming to terms with?

So that day, in the cafe

When I saw a little girl sitting by herself

Feeling a little uneasy, fidgeting her feet

And constantly looking over her shoulder

I was hit by déjà vu.

I wanted to reach out to her

Like I would to younger me

And tell her it’ll all be okay in future

But I didn’t.

Instead I just drank my coffee and left for home.

Author's Note

please express your honest opinions.