a little messy

jump to conclusions
[with me]
we could go about this
quite deliriously.

let's ignore the pleas
of our analytical minds
and operate under the notion
that love is simply blind.

i'm tired of being scared
of another broken heart
the suture will never seal
if the healing never starts.

jump into [puddles]
and conclusions with me
let's wash our hands of this
and get a little messy.

Reviews

[Miss J]

i like the surreal/fantasy feel of this and its concept pertaining to love and its defunctions.

brackets awesome and i like how they're at the beginning and end, trapping the middle.

the rhyming was good and felt in the right place.

to the favorites. :D

suggestion: add more periods...you end each stanza with one but there should be at least one more inside each stanza. ;)

[V]

the suture will never seal
if the healing never starts.

NICE

This is very creative underneath it's cuteness...I don't mean for that to be taken as anything but a compliment..

V

[(man)~~~~~~lol~~~~~~(dr..]

Lovely second stanza: love is blind vs. analytical minds. Quite an interesting lure and message here.

Stanza three is interesting as well; I think it plays well with the title. Stating that the process needs to begin but there are hang-ups somewhere.

Heh, last stanza is neatly written out. The first two lines of that stanza aren't natural yet appeal in the sense that they appeared, reverse-symmetrically, at the beginning. I picture two little children on a rainy day stomping in storm-puddles. Not a care in the world; just that of having some good ole fun.

Seems to flow and rhymes and rhythms seem tight enough. Nice job.

[Kelly D.]

I must visit you more often dear. I forget how wonderful your words are. This is short but full of wonderful words and meaning. I would pick out favorite lines, but I would have to pick out most of the poem. The whole idea is whimsical and oh so fun. I just love your style. I know I say that often, but it just doesn't stop being true.

[Six Impossible Things]

I'm not one for rhyming poems. But your rhyme seemed quite effortless (which is a good thing). The flow was a little off in some parts, but I hardly noticed.

the suture will never seal
if the healing never starts.
So good!

and I love the idea of jumping into conclusions like puddles. Good job!

[Randy Mckenica -writers..]

I get this completely, and it sends the message well, at least from this scarred vet of the heart "wars". I loed the first [ ] , but I don't think the second [ ] had nearly the impact or fit as well, seemed like it was there just to balance the other one.
Loved this, tho!

[Leah Simone]

The request for honesty in spite of it being a little messy is wonderful. I like the concept and the lyric of your poem. -Leah

[Disraeli Arito]

I really enjoyed this

[Anthony Ackerley]

I really liked the opposing elements at the end in this one. "Wash our hands" and then "get a little messy". Really showed the speaker's desire to forget past hurts and just move on. Which is something a lot of people relate to.

I would have liked to see one more word or phrase inside brackets at some point. Mainly because I'm always a big fan of messages/poems within a poem that are set apart from other text, but not necessarily readily obvious (ie: a series of words in all caps throughout). Using whats there already there, it sounded like there could have been a line that said "With me, puddles..." and then there's countless ways you could have finished that and tied that in.

But that's just my own preference. Whenever I see things set apart like that, I sit and try to forumlate something out of them, often times seeing things that aren't even there lol

Overall I liked this one. Simple but effective nonetheless. Well done.

[Louis Mutter]

Hrrrmmm, I'm not sure what this is really about. It flowed nicely, though.