He Will Hold Me

God has His reasons.

If I can live through this pain, I can live through anything.

My parents helped me realize many things tonight. They yelled at me, but I learned much from them. Hopefully I learned how to own myself.

I don't need to be validated by those around me. I KNOW WHO I AM.

GOD KNOWS WHO I AM. He created me, he molded me... he loves me unconditionally, beyond any earthly love I could ever know.

I didn't do all the right things. I fell into the trap - the trap that words can lead you. I don't regret anything. Nothing I said was untrue, perhaps inappropriate, but not untrue. And that's probably what hurts people the most.

Jessica showed her true colors today. She filled my heart with joy. I will always have her. She shook my shoulders (we were on the phone, but had we been in person she undoubtedly would have shook my shoulders) and said "You really are that wonderful. And this drives people away from you because they can never be as good as you. Yeah, you can say things that piss us off, but it's only because we know you are right... you say the things we already know but can't admit to ourselves. But that doesn't make you a b***h - that makes you a loving friend. All you want is the best out of those around you."

And I will keep the Sabbath holy. It's about time I started doing all that crazy stuff. Honoring Him who has given me so many gifts.

For five years I had the gift of a beautiful pseudo-adopted family. They gave me much love, and I gave much in return. Yet now I hear that they wish to throw that all away and tarnish the memory of what we had. Yet I suppose I must allow them that perogative. I spelt that wrong but it's too late to care.

I haven't stopped crying for five days. I think it's about time I washed the tears away and allowed the healing to start.

Everything became convoluted, but I suppose that's God's way of allowing me no way out of this mess. He is forcing me to move on with my life. Pack up the pieces of my heart (yet again) and move on.

I know that I gave the purest pieces of myself to them, just as I have always done for those whom I love.

I only pray I maintain my heartsong. That I maintain my ability to love.

It hurts. More than words could say.

I feel as though I could die from the pain.

God will hold me, as He always has... even when I was unaware He was there... He has always held me.

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This is once again so wonderful and deep... it's so true that you first off have to believe in yourself spiritually to know who your are and that in the end is what matters... you also showed that faith in something you can't see but feel is essential for balance in our lives... then you also so eloquently touch on how no matter how good we are yes we make mistakes, we are human cause that's what God made us and expects us to make mistakes, it's what we learn from them that matters... very deep and insightful along with inspirational.

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

Isn't that so true.
Love All,
Mejasha

[Gandré]

it provided me with deep feeling for the pain of your character. mwah. its gone, i know. we are strong, we master just everything.

[Gordon Greene]

This was straight from the heart of David.
Plainspoken, heart rending. A Psalm from the soul.

I couldn't help but feel the hurt with you.

I hope this means as much looking back... the devotion and awareness of God in the midst of pain.
I enjoyed your taking us on part of your journey.
g.g.

[Joe Ouldhouse]

It's hard for me to react to this. The writing isn't too bad, but the content clashes with my own beliefs (I'm an atheist). I understand the pain of sweeping up the bits of your heart and trying to piece them together though, and if your faith in god helps you with that agonizing process, I'm not going to dissuade you.

[Chelsea Elizabeth]

Good stuff. It's real and raw. There are a few places where the writing can be strengthened, but since you were kind of writing a diary entry of sorts, those can probably be ignored in favor of authenticity.

And, as a side note, I think God sometimes strips stuff off of us to make us realize how much we need Him-and only Him. I know He has with me these past few months.

[E. J. Gette]

This is a great piece. It is very interesting in that it reads like a story, but makes you feel like a poem. Good work.

[Arthur Bellfield]

i love this...!!! no other words needed

[Chad Marinkovits]

First, let me echo the sentiment many of the others who've reviewed this have given: it takes a very, very strong and self-aware person to allow others to not only read about your personal life, but also to comment on it as well. I have always been the one of all of my friends who goes through the most "difficulties" and yet I keep a much more positive mindset than most of them, as well as deal with the challenges I face. And the reason is my faith in a higher power, and the purpose I was created.

I also know what it is to see the good, to see the potential for greatness in those around me, and to experience them wallow in their own ignorance of themselves and those around them. Often times I feel as though I say things that may be crossing the line to those close to me, but it is not due to wanting to tell them how to live life. But, I digress.

This is a somber, yet uplifting piece. I must say, it is always refreshing to know there are others just like me who do not ignore the signs we are sent, but rather embrace them. It's never easy to end a chapter in our life, but it's the promise of a new one that keeps us going. Great insight.

[Kelly D.]

How did I miss this? This is great Kara. I'm glad I found this, because right now it was so what I needed to read. I'm not sure exactly what is going on, but your faith in God really encourages me as well. I personally have undergone some of the hardest circumstances that I've ever encountered all in the courser of the last few months or so. And not little things either, but huge things, one after another, after another. And I'm not sure if it's over yet. But reading this was really encouraging. I forgot somehow that God knows who I am. Or that he cares. This was so encouraging to me. Thanks so much for sharing this.