sweet solace

I'm weary of living
in this desperate way
hopeless :: hopeless
no reason to stay.

I'm through with explaining
my heartsong to you
I'm tired :: I'm tired
and unsure what to do

I repair the pieces
only to feel them torn apart
it's breaking :: it's breaking
I'm losing my heart.

If I wasn't a Christian
I would offer my breath
sweet solace :: sweet solace
…the respite of death.

I am not being morbid
I only wish to concede, for
I'm tortured :: you torture
the purest pieces of me.

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

God Kara this one cuts me deep, the overpowering sadness really pours out like blood from a puncture wound, fast and undeniable... I know that feeling after a broken heart where life seems like it's not worth it anymore but the way you expressed it is so dramatically astounding I can feel the pain running through my veins.

On a side note if this is from a real experience from someone hurting you and making you feel that way please let me say he is the worlds biggest fool.

[Peter Truth]

I liked this piece a great deal. The desperation is real enough to taste. "If wasn't a Christian I would offer my breath", boy can I relate to that.

[T. L. O'Neal]

I really love this, not only for the rhythm of it, but for what it is saying. I think everyone can relate to it at least once in their life.

[Gordon Greene]

Sometimes life itself makes us want to choose to be with God instead.
But for the mission.
This is a great pouring out of the soul.
g.g.

[David Farmerie]

For me I find the piece well thought out. As for the, now seemingly, controversial line: " If I wasn't a Christian", for me, that line was as revealing and as integral as any other line in the piece. It substantiated the overall desperateness of the subject, as well as the overwhelming emotional struggle of the subject.

[Aaron]

Hello there Kara!I thought this was great! I actually disagree with Snell, because I like the line, "If I wasn�t a Christian." I think without that line I wouldn't have been able to relate to the poem. It's kind of funny to me when people comment on content in poems, because the critic has no significant relation to your true emotions and feelings. Also, there's such a great divide between Christians and Non-Christians and from personal experience the Non's tend be extremely biased when on the topic of Christianity. I'm quite aware that it goes both ways as well... Anyway, fantastic piece!Aaron.

[Shannon Drake]

"I am not being morbid
I only wish to concede, for
I�m tortured :: you torture
the purest pieces of me."

the ending just puts everything together. and it was my favorite part. like all of your peices.. i love it. i was so.. into it. thankyou.

[J. Alfred Prufrock]

i'm on happy pills, but they are not working so i can't endorse them. lol i applaud your honesty (if this is about you), but i have to agree with snell that it is a little too exposotory for the form you have used. it comes off as contrived. for a very narritive form you need longer lines of substance or a more complicated ryhme scheme (in my opinion) to be effective. don't be in a rush get something wrote down, and above all "wait for inspiration." that's where the jewels come from. then when you have the seed of a really great metaphor or image, stretch out with your imagination, build on it, and express yourself with more original and powerful lines, letting your own individual voice develope within the piece. this piece has great potential, but as it is it follows the well-trodden path of traditional angst poetry. this is good, but not what you are capable of. i hope you take the time to revise it. cheers. p.s. i still love you. lol

[G.f. Snell Iii]

Too expository for my taste. I also didn't like the "Christian" line. It watered down the power of the rest of it.

I thought the first two stanzas worked best -- but the last one didn't work for me because of the "I am not being morbid" line.

You're explaining -- instead of feeling. You've done much better.

[Nihad Dweidary]

Loved the pace and the sentiments of this "Sweet Solace." This is one of the poems that I think comes to you when you are doing something, shoves itself into your head, and commands to come out in song. This is a sad, mourning tune that hovers over broken hearts.

Love,

Nihad