i may not make it through the night

i am pierced deep
within my passions.

i gasp;
and proceed to bleed
all over the ground.

the earth begins to saturate
with red. i grasp tightly
to my sanity
and release
a scream.

i move carefully, so as not to rip open
old wounds. no, this new
mutilation
is enough.

it is more than breath can handle;
i stop tasting the air
and for a moment,
i fall.

deep into the despair
i have only known
for moments
(at a time)

one never forgets
such pain.

i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die.

Reviews

[David P. Eckert]

You portray the perfect imagery for the idiom "cut me to the quick." The bleeding, the spilling out. The trick to limit damage is not to connect the new wound with older ones, preserving one's sanity and ego. I think your imagery is solid. I think it might be worth looking at the verb tenses in one spot. For example "the earth begins to saturate" might work better than "the earth is beginning to saturate." It's more immediate, and most of your poem uses that more immediate tense form. You portray, as is your usual, both strong emotion and clear, vivid imagery. Very enjoyable.

David

[Poetically Always Ashle..]

What profound emotion you portray. Truly you were inspired.

-Poetically Always Ashley

[Bubo]

one never forgets
such pain.
i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.
for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die.

Reading this I am reminded of a great loss, be it a baby or love.
Very painful when you feel pieces of you die, and these pieces are never replaced. I remember that when I lost.
Very powerful and heartfelt.

[Merancapeman]

I guess it means many different things to different people. I'm feeling pretty horrid this morning, and what you've described is probably a good image of my sanity right now. Perhaps it has put me into a perspective that will make me feel better. It's a good way to realize that it is a justifiable emotion, heh. Thanks, Kara.

[Moonlight]

Oh�

*tears*

To me this sounded almost like recurrent miscarriage and the pain of the loss one has felt over and over again.

I am sorry if I have misinterpreted this piece, I have just seen it expressed this way�the self blame, the inability to give up even though the person is slowly dying inside with each perceived failure.

That�s what I thought of first.

Moonlight.

[Sarah Williams]

i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die.

--This is brilliant in it's painful and honest humanity... There have been times when I've felt this way...that the crushing dispair of a moment, a new and raw wound, will surely force me from this life.

You are so very adept at using your words to burrow into the souls of your readers, in order to make them feel what you are feeling. You write with imagination and grace, nomatter what the subject matter. I am always impressed and delighted by your work. Nicely done!

[Julie Murphy, Julie Des..]

This brought tears to my eyes. Whether the wounds are physical or emotional, I was reminded so fully here that it hurts to open them, and that yes, some parts simply die.

[Luke Brooks]

i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die.

Perfect ending.

Heartbreaking.
I really felt the sorrow and pain coming off ever word of every line.

I wouldn't feel right saying I enjoyed it, because I really feel like this poem was written because of something you experienced (or experience) first hand. And I can't enjoy that.

But it was very well writen.

[Trisha Clark]

I can take this more literally (miscarriage), or figuratively (emotional bloodletting) and love it just as much either way. (But hate it cause the writer needs a hug.)

[Andrew Flisser]

flows really nicely, and is pretty dark/sad.

this poem really hit home, nice work!

[Dice Rosenthal]

" i no longer struggle;
i have ceased to wonder why.

for it has become a habit
to feel pieces of me
die. "

What a way to end it. I like it, though it's dark and a bit sad. The way it flows is amazing.