when in doubt...

its a short dialouge between my little brother and i. Normally i write poetry but our english teacher assigned us to write a short family dialouge scene so here it is lol

"Yosef Naftali!" I shout to my three year old brothers back. As usual my straining vocal chords do absolutely nothing, yup my brother is still completely fixtated on his precious little cars. Determined to come out victourious i try yet again.

"Joe!, Baby!, Bapi!" Finally he wrenches himself away from his plastic enchanters.

"What?" he says (is it my imagination or does his childish voice have just a tint of annoyance?)

"Do you have to go potty?"

"No"

"Are you sure?"

He gives me a condescending look (who knew three year olds could do that?) then turns haughtily away. I turn to my sister, turned spectator.

"Does he have to go?"

"How should I know?!" comes the ever-so-helpful reply.

I roll my eyes and go back to my homework. A few seconds later I feel a little hand on my calf while a childish voice says

"Shara?"

"What bapi?"

"I have to go make"

Author's Note

all critisism is appreciated!! please comment! (not that im desperate or anything...lol)

Reviews

[Kaitlin W. Blaylock]

wonderful entrapment of usual sibling responsibility. Being an only child, I'm often a spectator of these kinds of situations. It was truly humorous, and I enjoyed it.
"As usual me straining my vocal chords" me is redundant here. It would sound more polished if it were altered to "As usual, straining my vocal chords"
"victourious" should be "victorious"
"childish voice have a tine of annoyance" needs to become "childish voice have a tinge of annoyance" or "childish voice have a tone of annoyance." tine is a noun, meaning a sharp, projecting point or prong, as of a fork.

[Aekmy]

Haha, very amusing. I do agree with the person below me. You should watch out for those confusing sentences.

-Madeline

[nocturnalbeast]

HAHAHA! THAT was hilarious!.