Twelve

I -

Sometimes I'll see you
But not your face
Just an emotional substance
That sort of
Lingers around
Like a scent that just won't go away
Sometimes I feel you
But not really
And it makes me want to cry
Because every time you go away
It sort of makes me
Want to die

II -

And then it comes back
Everything
It comes back to me
In giant forces
Like the crashing waves
And the rolling winds
And the sudden blinding lights
That caress the world of the night

III -

Not that it really matters
Not that I really care
But sometimes
I wish
You'd disappear
And I'd never have to hear
Another trace of your voice
Another trace of your sound
The sound that so
Pressed itself into me
A melody
That was never meant to be

IV -

But where did it all come from?
And where did it all go?
Sometimes I like to think
It was
Good
In a way
Because then it would be worth something
It would be worth the feelings
And the hurt
Especially the hurt
Because as much as I had to feel
It hurt the most

V -

It hurt because I loved
And I miss that feeling
Mostly because it's not gone yet
I try not to care
I shouldn't
I try not to stare
I wouldn't
If I couldn't
But I do
Because I just do

VI -

And every time I think about you
It all comes back
It all comes back
It all rides with me
Like the connection of piano keys
That tumble on and on and on
With each pressing finger
Each note
Each harmony
From a piece of
I don't know

VII -

What is it?
What is it really?
What is it really supposed to do?
But evoke the emotions
All over again
A repetition of things that mess with my mind
It all messes with my mind
And what hurts more than it all
Is that
You
Didn't feel the same way
That I
Still do

VIII -

And seeing you now
With a smile on your face
A smile everywhere
A smile
That kills me because it's there
And I don't think you smiled like that
Ever
Because of me
And it kills me

IX -

Because I never wanted to be there at all
I never wanted anything
But I'm just saying that
I always did
I always did
And maybe I still do but not really

X -

Everything reminds me of you
Every memory
Even the good ones
Turn bad
Because of you
I guess it's not really your fault
It really isn't anyone's fault
It's like we reached a crescendo
But failed to get any louder
And better
And stronger

XI -

I don't know if you wanted to try
I just don't know
Sometimes I care about you
Sometimes I don't

XII -

At the same time
I worry
That you'll find someone
Who makes me seem
Like a drop in the rain
Like a cloud in the sky
Like a dust in the air
Just something
That happened to be there
At the wrong time
I guess.

Author's Note

This poem is very personal to me. Please try to keep reviews as kind as possible. I wrote this at a very low point in my life and it was all in one sitting. No editing, nothing. I wouldn't change a word either.

Reviews

[Benny Doyle]

And don't you dare change a line!!!

[Benny Doyle]

What is it? What is it really? Excellent line!!! I love this piece of work...