Ocean's Reverie

Ocean's Reverie

A Poem by
"

Swaying, alluring, lovely enticing..

"
It's rocking back and forth,
calling out to the lonesome wind.
Falling into a deep submission,
cringing from it's only fate.

It is alluringly horrifying;
as well as it is breathtaking.
It can hypnotize your introspection,
with just a beautiful sway.

Dangerous, but lovely;
graceful, but imprudently repulsive.
The waters are Heaven's known liquid.
Flowing from your hands,
into what seems like endless eternity.

You would gaze at the magnificent shore,
and wonder when life takes it's toll.
You can watch the waves' endless twirl;
or wish you can enroll it's curving lull. 

A crash, a ripple will coil your fears;
but not once will it waver to revoke
anything that comes it's way.
Tell me ocean,
won't you sweep me off my feet?

I've been falling for it too far too soon,
to see the what murks between the surface.
The drop of water rests on my hand,
but an ocean awaits it's return to motherland.

I've perished into my futile thoughts,
thinking of past, present, and future's haunt.
I don't think I'll ever;
make it though this dazzling reverie..

© 2011 ☯


Author's Note

☯
A thought that kept bugging my mind, thoughts are welcomed! :)

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Featured Review

I loved it, another poem well done Twinkle :)
I live near the ocean myself and I think you captured it perfectly on a page.
"Dangerous, but lovely;
graceful, but imprudently repulsive.
The waters are Heaven's known liquid.
Flowing from your hands,
into what seems like endless eternity."
Beautiful, I am definately shelving this one. Thank You


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

If you like compliments first; scroll to the bottom first...lol. This poem is somewhat weak. I'm not sure how else to put it. I think the title is a awesome and the poem maybe doesn't quite live up to it. Stating the obvious: Give your vocab a bit of a boost, try reading Craig Froman on WC to see what I mean.

Second...ummm...i'd best just show you.
1. "as well as it is breathtaking." A bit of an anti-climax..and slightly ungrammatical. A possible revision could be "It's majesty breathtaking". Though if you want to keep throwing in adjectives...throw in another relevant rhyming word behind breathtaking.

2. There are just too many of them..sorry...but the structure is weak. Don't make full sentences...it harms the flow. E.g. "It can hypnotize your introspection," Try cutting the It can and making it hypnotising instead.

3. Use the present tense. I'm not sure which participle I'm referring to (lol), but something like this.
"It rocks back and forth,
calling out to the lonesome wind.
Falling into a deep submission,
As it cringes thus from it's only fate."

4. Remove the typo from the last line...

4. or is it 5? Anyway...use yet instead of but. It's so much more musical.

Compliments...i remember promising some. :) Yup a good poem, i like the flow of thoughts behind this. The last line is great...or could it be bettered. Yes...now that i think about it...
Revised last two lines:
"I don't think I'll ever make it through
This Dazzling Reverie..."Now the last line is a total killer.

Compliments at the end...lol...okay. Your thought process is fine...u just need practice and revise your poetry for effect and flow by reading aloud...oh whatever not again...!!!
Great Job :)
~SOUL LESS~

Posted 12 Years Ago


This was beautiful, I love the ocean. You did a fantastic job capturing it to make this piece. Well done.
♥ Ta'Shandra

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The power of the ocean is beyond our imagination. It thrills our souls and we find ourselves mesmerized by its endless beauty. Love this one!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It was beautiful! I love the ocean, and this is what made me enjoy this poem all the more! It was peaceful with a lyrical quality! Lovely poem, Twinkle! :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A beautiful, descriptive poem. I liked all of it but especially this:
"It can hypnotize your introspection,
with just a beautiful sway."


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this one is definitely going into my library! out-freekin'-standing i'm almost speechless at the way you illustrate in this and the personification of emotion
is excellent. fantastic write!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Going in my favorites!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Well written.Brings me to a sail boat alone on the ocean.Makes me sleepy with the swaying back and forth.This would be a great poem to recite to your lover before bed after making love

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The poem is beautiful. I like the description and the story in your poem. The ocean can teach us many lessons.
"You can watch the waves' endless twirl;
or wish you can enroll it's curving lull. "
A strong ending to a outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on April 25, 2011
Last Updated on April 25, 2011

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Wonderland



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