Broken Soul

 

I am all wrong and they're always right

I try to be strong but I'm too weak to fight

No matter how I try to get out and close the door

It gets harder and I just hurt myself even more

I try to hide all the pain that I know

I try to smile, but through my eyes, the sorrow shows

I keep on pretending that I'm alright

But all I do is keep this inside

I have fought so hard and I thought I've won

Only to find out the war has just begun

There's too much pain that can't be erased

Now I can't seem to find my place

I am all alone in my so-called life

I am lost, I am helpless and I'm frozen inside

My hopes and dreams are gone with the wind

I just want to live and breathe again

I have fallen, don't take my wings away

I am broken but I will fly someday.

 

 

Written: 01/18/05

Reviews

[Garrett Marcus Copeland]

I can relate also, very telling and touching. You have nice imagery and a simple set of words that won't leave too many people scratching thier heads lost in confusion. I like the couplet ryme scheme. You may or may not want to weave the lines together a bit more with something a little more complex, I find that the a-b-a-b works very well for this sort of thing. One bad thing that I noticed, you rhymed most lines but not all, that gives the fealing that something is out of place or missing, you should probably either try to find a way to rhyme all the rest or take out most and leave it as an intriguing blank verse.

All in all the piece was very good, I liked what you did with it. Keep up the good work. :]

[Glen Yumang Manese]

There is a tug-o-war...
within the depths of this verse...
the resounding way this falls...
in the spectrum of things...

[At Mercy!]

Wow, this is amazingly emotional, and real! I can really relate to this.

[Rc R. Vagilidad]

"I have fallen, don't take my wings away
I am broken but I will fly someday."- this gives another franchise of your idea through-out the poem...and it was entirely (?) not-so-relevant, from a toned too serious and realistic, to a more fantasy-images...and with that drastic transition i find my self loving this because of its juicy mixture of dark and fantasy.... which is again a unique style of MAXINNE...!!! and for the flow, it just went well.... naks!!!---

[I'm back, and ready to ..]

Have we met before???? This poem describes me to a T.

[Insanemom5]

This just hit home for me. I can feel it in every fiber of my soul

[Scott Eckert]

I like this poem a lot. The pain can be felt through your words.

this really hit home with me.

[Mariam R]

I think this poems is awesome and i can relate to it :) so keep up the awesome job :)