Fireworks

Stars. Moments. Love.

The multihued effervescence of flowing fire surged against the blackness of the cosmos. Voices echoed. Eyes gazed. Every person was amazed at the sight. I could tell they were all lost in the beauty of the moment. Who wouldn't be, right? These things don’t come very often in a year.

 

I wasn’t totally lost, though. At least, my heart wasn’t. Yes, it was beautiful, romantic, awe-inspiring, probably the most amazing spectacle I’d ever witnessed and my eyes got lost at the sight. While I’d blurted out stuff like “wow” and “oh my God,” deep inside I was silent. And the sound of that silence was disturbing. Depressing. Mind-boggling.

 

The night was young. The world was excitedly noisy. So was I. I spoke a lot, I laughed a lot, and I listened to the voices and laughter from the people around me. Yet there was this obscured quietness and it bothered me. I kept on wondering why.

 

An hour had passed and I found myself sitting on the soft dark green grass, amidst dewdrops and the chilly December breeze. With my head tilted back, I listened to the never-ending stories of the constellations. At the same time, I listened intently to a voice that melted my heart like vanilla ice cream over hot apple pie.

 

The sound of your voice was one thing I would never get tired of listening to. It had vanished the fears and worries I had, even the dreaded Psycho-pathophysiology and Pharmacology exams I’d have the next day. I loved the fact that we were beside each other, laughing out loud and talking about anything at all, being plain crazy �" just you and me, and the rest of the world was in slow motion.

 

And you suddenly fell silent.

 

I was already bothered by the wordless narrations of my own heart, and then you add up to the disturbing, depressing, mind-boggling stillness. So I looked into the distance again, and for a moment there, I thought I saw a lucent star fall. If it really was a meteor, then it was the first one I’d seen in my entire life.

 

I turned to look at you. Your eyes stared at the distance. I wondered what it was that made you do so. And I turned away.

 

“I love you.”

 

I heard the words and in a breath of time, the stillness of the night faded away. The silence �" both yours and that of my own heart �" had been shattered. It was as if fiery streaks of light flowed across my once-frozen heart, as if phoenixes had risen from lifelessness and soared through the shadows.

 

The moment was more beautiful than everything else that comprised it. I couldn'tmove. I couldn't speak. I reckon that the winged ones sighed when those words had flown away from the lips of an angel in disguise. Heaven knew how I felt that night. It didn't rain, the stars shone, and I knew Heaven was smiling down on us. The stars laughed endlessly, and I began to laugh with them.

 

I was falling hopelessly. It seemed as if a part of me was in isolation. I must have been hovering above dreamscapes. But the truth is, I was not. Nothing had been as beautiful as when I saw the galaxies in your incandescent eyes. I had fallen. And since then, I could breathe again.

 

The thing is, I love you, too. I always have. I’d like to think that the Hand that wrote the stars also wrote our story. You shall always be the wisdom in my stupidity, the voice in my speechlessness, the comfort in my strangeness.

 

The end.

The beginning.

 

 

 

© Maxinne Marie

January 18, 2008 @ 12:33 AM

Author's Note

Photo by Marcos Caratao, Jr. - http://exploreiloilo.com

Review Guidelines:
1. Does the first sentence describe fireworks vividly yet poetically enough? What made you say so?
2. I did not mention the word fireworks anywhere in the whole piece (except for the title). Is it effective? Does it make the piece whimsical? What can you say about that, wherein I wrote phrases to describe fireworks and yet not mention the word itself?
3. When you read it, how does the piece make you feel?
4. I mentioned this deep-inside-my-heart kind of silence. Its not silence as in quietness in its literal sense. How do you understand the weird silence here? What can you say about how I used that mind-boggling thing to create a sort of conflict?
5. With my head tilted back, I listened to the never-ending stories of the constellations. What am I doing as told by this phrase? Any comment on the figurativeness of it?
6. For the last paragraphs, can you feel enough love?

Reviews

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

This is a stunning tale, the cosmos and the love you two share is breathtakingly told here. What a wonderful write. I am so glad to have read it...I do like your use of the strikethrough as well...well done. Thank you for sharing.
Light,
Siddartha

[Raef C. Boylan]

1 & 2. The title is there to provide the clue, so I think the fact that you avoided using the word 'fireworks' is fine and works well; I do the same, and it bugs me to read a poem called e.g. 'Rose' and see the word 'rose' mentioned about 4 times within the poem. So well done. It makes the piece kind of 'whimsical', in an abstract-style way [if that makes any sense] but not whimsical in a bad way.

3. Happy for the narrator; she is likeable because she seems to use her imagination a lot and reflect on things, so I was glad that she had a moment of pure happiness.

4. Her surroundings are noisy, full of laughter and bangs from the fireworks, but she herself is contemplative, maybe not being bugged by trivial thoughts, instead immersed in some profundity, or not thinking at all, i.e. completely lost in the moment. If the reader reflects fully on this concept, they will appreciate the contrast and relate it to a time in their life when they have felt alone in a crowd, or an inner peace when all around is noise. It works well.

5. This is similar to the metaphor you used in another story, about the "haunt" and "he took my hand and heard my song". Possibly this one is referring to the glittery galaxies that the fireworks are making, but i think it again means the stars and have to say that it's a difficult concept to articulate, even in written form, although I think I partially understand, as a night sky can sometimes say far more to us than our entire species ever could.

6. The last paragraphs, taken as a climax to the build-up of the whole story, contain a lot of love. Read by themselves, they are not quite as effective, but as an end to the story, the overwhelming love she feels is well-expressed. Not that I can judge the love of another; it's pretty subjective.

Overall, another good story. You have a gift for poetic prose.
Thanks for sharing this.

Thanks again for the review guidance.

[Blue Bard]

You don't need to mention fireworks to convey them. Bravo for not being obvious. I understand the silence you speak of. It's that hold before a moment of no return. It could go either way, but God let it... That feeling of first love, the early stages, the beginning as you suggest. I've been to those fireworks before. Well said.

[Rc R. Vagilidad]

perhaps, im the first one to review this..


"I'd like to think that the Hand that wrote the stars also wrote our story-" hehehe. cute.

i want to make a meaningful review for this but i guess im being too weird on these days trying to write a poem that ends up into nothing. hehehe. so here it goes. (i hope its not weird)

i was so in awe; the smooth easily to read paragraphs, full with inspiration glimpse, and ever-wondering "silence" that you kept on uttering is quite nicely interwoven together. theres one paragraph i guess is very beautifully inspired which was so pleasing to read and to ponder how it went there..
"I was falling hopelessly. It seemed as if a part of me was in isolation. I must have been hovering above dreamscapes." Nice use of dreamscapes... i also love "silent narration".. i think i have some more two word phrase to put in faves from here, but i guess i have soooo much to say now.. and my points is reaching 10..and i belive its greed. (haha..weird)

and over-all it is so beautifully written. i am so happy.... to read this, for you.