Proof that Romans used to live on Mars

Last year a buddy of mine named Sylvester who works for Nasa informed me that the hubble space telescope had picked up some strange UV rays emanating from the smallest moon of the red planet. Nasa believes that these light waves were given off by a rare steriosomer of a common organic compound found on Earth. That is to say, these molecules are identical in composition to the ones found on our planet, but since they are chiral and their spacial configuration is slightly different, they rotate light beams in the opposite direction. Needless to say, Nasa is trying to figure out how come this stereoisomer exists near Mars, but not on Earth.

I think I have the answer. This exact configuration must have been developed unnaturally through some sort of artifical synthesis. My guess is that the ancient Romans, whom we know had an advanced knowledge of metallurgy, figured out how to enhance the structural make up of the molecule in order to use it for weapons. But how did they get it to Mars? I believe I have the answer to that question as well. They sailed there in wooden ships on the ether streams that used to connect Earth to the other planets.

You may think I’m crazy, but I have proof. Last year, in an ancient abbey somwhere near modern day Ankara, a Turkish scholar unearthed an ancient manuscript which has since been named The SkyPath Scroll. This scroll contains an epic poem written in Byzantine Greek detailing a journey to Mars by two English knights in search of the holy grail. It turns out that when they got to Mars, they discovered that the Romans were still there! This is exactly the proof I was looking for. If you doubt me, you can read the document for yourself. It has been translated into English with rhyme and meter. You can find this translation along with the original illustrations posted online right here. Read it and believe!

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