A Love letter to Adulthood

A Story by sclly

I'm planning to submit this piece to a literary magazine. Mostly it's about how one can be stuck when approaching adulthood

A search bar with the questions “What am I supposed to do? What steps should I take?” flashes in front of me. I’ve spent so much time surviving that college wasn’t a part of my worries. It was all just blended together with my other problems that I dare not touch. But everyone else (fix this phrasing ) seems to know what they are supposed to do for the next four years. Their college decisions laid out neatly in a table - location, university name, major, cost. And just like their choices which are neatly arranged and visible, they have goals (some semblance of a goal is still there). They might not be clear but it’s still there piled under the to do lists, grades, test dates, and sports tournaments. Their goals are still there.

Maybe the reason I’m so scared is that I’ll make the wrong decision. “The next four years of your life are scheduled to the very second. You’re supposed to love it or at the very least like it there.” the voice in my head tells me. I don’t want to say good morning to a room absent of my parent’s tender love. I’ll even miss watching tv shows with my brother when my parents weren’t there. They will be okay without me, but I won’t.

“You’re supposed to be excited for a fresh start. It’s all you ever wanted, remember?” The voice starts to poke and prod me. But I can feel my heart escaping the box that is my body. I’ve spent so much time relying on my parents that making decisions is hard. How do I know what to choose? I know that every person I meet was once in my place. It’s supposed to be comforting but instead the metronome of “ (something is wrong with you) You are the problem. You can’t do this,” ticks in my brain. I’m only sure of this. I know I have options: I can leave behind everything to start college in another country or stay next to a safe path carved out that leads to my parent’s house. Saying goodbye to the comfortable/safe

I know I have time though and soon I’ll want this. I will want new friends, learn about anything and everything. My heart stops thumping as hard. ( I know I’ll be fine and even if it’s hard, I know that my parents will always pick up the call.