Out

Out

A Story by SheIsMe

     Have you ever wanted to claw your eyes out?  To forget what you have seen, what has been witnessed by big brown eyes?  I can't forget.  I could flush my eyes with bleach, forever blinding myself to the horrors of today's world.  But I wouldn't forget.  Couldn't.  Can't.  Each memory burns.  It has seared itself into my brain.  Forever imprinting the tyranny of a few bad choices.  How to overcome?  I don't know.  I don't think it's possible. 

     I can't escape.  I have searched and searched, longingly trying to find that small door to crawl out of.  But there is nothing there.  No door, nor window.  Nothing.  Nobody.  It's a deprivation chamber, a lie, a falsehood of no known bounds.  Is it wrong to want out?  To want to leave this place?  I need reprieve.  I need feeling.  Not this emptiness, this bottomless void of existence.

     I can't feel anymore.  I can't breathe.  The imaginary walls are closing in on me with every shallow inhalation.  They move more toward me at an alarming pace.  Yet I don't feel fear.  I don't feel anything.  I have been trapped in this place, this surreal 'reality' of my brain.  This is my out.  I've been looking all along for the wrong way out.  It's not a door.  It's not a window or an opening.  It's the walls. 

     My right shoulder touches the smooth invisible wall.  It's cold.  That I can feel.  It numbs me where it touches.  It's forever anesthesia.  Welcoming.  Calming.  Claiming.

     Left shoulder touches.  Numb.  Ice, no fire.  No more burning, hurting.  Embracing the cold fingers of extinguishment, I give in.

     Out.

     Blind.  Deaf.  Numb.  Mute. 

     Free.

© 2015 SheIsMe


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Reviews

Thank you for sharing this one SheIsMe. I really enjoyed the read. Wonderful imagery and emotion put out on display as usual. I love the way you write. I hope you feel better soon. I wish you nothing but the best with your recovery in this hurtful time. 100 Rating as always!!!

Posted 3 Years Ago


This is a very good description of depression. Many people see it as a “mental” thing, but it is more physical. It tears away at your body, your soul. It crushes you into a small simulacrum of who we really are. An ant in a world of giants. Your worlds covey that well.
If the poem was personal, I hope you can get through it. It is a difficult journey.

Posted 3 Years Ago


SheIsMe

3 Years Ago

Thank you! It was deeply personal and is incredibly hard to deal with. In fact, life-changing. Thank.. read more
It blew my mind....What a brilliant concept.....Im overwhelmed my frnd....Todays best read this is for me.....It is full of truth and i loved the technique.....An unique piece....Thums up!!!!

Posted 3 Years Ago


SheIsMe

3 Years Ago

Thank you! I always love to get your feedback and am glad that you enjoyed it. Thank you again!
I like your writing style, short, direct with harsh words.
And I trully believe that for us to be free, we need to strip of everything in our lifes, including the sense of "I"

Posted 3 Years Ago


SheIsMe

3 Years Ago

Thank you very much for your kind words. This was something I wasn't sure I wanted to share, but we.. read more

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Added on December 11, 2015
Last Updated on December 11, 2015

Author

SheIsMe
SheIsMe

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About
I encourage healing through the use of words. They are powerful. Whether it be fictional, inspirational, venting or thought, I urge everyone to heal and be unique through the power of words. more..

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