Real but Not...

This is kind of something that happened to someone I know extremely well... (Me) but all names are changed..

Sunday June 12. That was the day I never thought would happen. I still can’t believe it did happen; I was arrested. Yes, you read that correctly I was put in jail. No, I didn’t cry or scream nor did I even really worry. I was actually very calm. It was his fault they would say but I knew that wasn’t true at all, I take full responsibility for what I’ve done. I probably wouldn’t of got arrested if I never picked him up earlier today but I love him so why wouldn’t I. I blame the drugs that we both were on, him being on coke me on morphine… No wait it was the other way around I was on that 8 ball of a drug and he was on the other killer s**t. We went to his cousin’s house on a road with so many damn turns named Elm Road. Man that road just brought back memories; and they weren’t the good kind either. Like his car accident with a prior girl, or when I did the snow challenge on that road. None of these memories were anywhere as bad as the memory of seeing him in handcuffs. I got a call from the person’s car we were using she was crazy; we called her Crazy Janey. She used the excuse of her having cancer for anything. It was just f*****g breast cancer. So we thought maybe she was going a little insane so we cut her some slack. Well I answered but it wasn’t Janey on the phone, it was Princess Anne’s cops on the phone, at that moment it was time to fess up or lie about the whole thing. That moment I was the most hesitant I ever could have been in my whole entire life… think should I tell Mike or just keep it to myself. I decided to keep it to myself I was like Janey I will call you back when we are done so Mike didn’t have any suspicions. As soon as I got off the phone I zoned out until we got to our place of interest and all of sudden I hear Mike yelling and snapping in my face. He was asking; what the f**k does that crazy b***h want now? I told him it was nothing she was just curious of when we were going to have her car back, because we didn’t exactly ask permission to use it. He went to the kitchen and asked Janey to go with him and show him what he was allowed to eat and or drink. We weren’t allowed to drink any of her alcohol even though Mike was an alcoholic and everyone was aware of it. So while he took her to the kitchen he gave me the look like get the keys. It was a single key with no key fob to unlock the doors automatically. It was a 1992 Chevy Caviler, which made no since because she was on welfare for her whole entire life, but we didn’t question it we just stole it. Okay not really stole since she said we could use the car whenever we wanted to she would just have to know.

 

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

Well i think your story is good but you didn't set up it well which i understand... if you just set the story with little more descriptions, i think it would be very enjoyable to read.. separate the speeches by putting " ....the reader felt a little confused while reading this... but don't be disheartened, this story has enough potential and you can make perfect by setting it well... i will keep an eye on your story...

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Hey! So, I see a story but I'm a little confused in its plot structure. If you want solid critique and help let me know and I'll message you

[EverythingCoconut]

Love the blunt way it's written, reminds me of the monologues in Fight Club or any Quentin Tarantino film haha. Feels very gritty and gangster, the only criticism I have is that you should work on some parts where correct grammar is needed, like commas in the right places. keen to read more!

[Autonomous]

Relic is right you need a lot of work to improve your writing. Right now it's prose, a block of writing that doesn't stand out. Not to mention that you don't even quote the person who is speaking, by the way, each person's speech should stand out in its own paragraph. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but good formatting can make or break a good writer and even bad writers shine if their formatting is good. I might have missed something but be sure to follow up with someone else just in case, aside from that your actual writing is good but the formatting needs a major tuneup.

[Relic]

Before I even read the whole thing, the first problem is obvious.

[Relic]

Okay, I've read it. I'll let others describe in detail what's wrong. I'll just say, it needs a lot of work.